


Picture in a Frame

by sadgirlvibes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, Post-Hogwarts, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadgirlvibes/pseuds/sadgirlvibes
Summary: Lily Evans really never handled her emotions well.  Especially in the face of a war, when everyone her around kept dying.  But she had James, and her boys.  Life couldn't stop just because of a war, and Lily found comfort in the friendships and family she had built around her.  She learned to love harder than she had ever even thought possible.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my work! I have been writing Jily oneshots for as long as I can remember, and I have finally decided it was time to write the multi-chapter story that had been spinning around in my head for years. There are many different themes spread throughout this story, some traumatic, some tragic, and many romantic. 
> 
> Enjoy the first installment of my Jily series!

**_August 1978_ **

_Frank Longbottom married Alice Fortescue on a Saturday afternoon. It was a small ceremony, just family and a few close friends. Standing proudly next to Alice was Lily Evans, grinning madly across the altar at her boyfriend James Potter while the newlyweds sealed their marriage with a kiss._

_The reception later that evening was of course a bit bigger, being held at the headquarters of the Order of The Phoenix, which had been renovated into a beautiful banquet room. James laughed along with Sirius Black as he held tightly onto Lily’s hand while they watched Frank and Alice dance around the room._

_Marlene McKinnion and Dorcas Meadows were across the banquet hall, forcing Peter Pettergrew into a shot contest. He, of course, turned bright red once Dorcas took her shot and pecked him on the cheek. Remus Lupin grinned as he watched the encounter, while he sipped at his mead at a table not far away from the dance floor._

_Lily observed the room in pure wonder, all her friends, all the people she loved together right now. They were celebrating something happy for once and the looming war seemingly forgotten. It was a little overwhelming and Lily remembered that come Monday their fight would resume, they wouldn’t get to have all these beautiful moments as often._

_There was a war on._

_Lily forced these thoughts in the back of her mind, yet she couldn’t help but wonder if she and James would be able to have a wedding like this in the future. Happy and able to put the chaos of the world aside. She knew she shouldn't think about marriage yet, she was eighteen years old, and only left Hogwarts a few months prior. Yet she couldn’t help to think that she may never get the chance to get married, or have babies. Because there was a war on, and she was on the front lines._

_James, Sirius, Remus, Marlene, Peter, and her numerous other friends; those who she has come to see as family. They are all in this fight. They joined the Order of the Phoenix right after Hogwarts, an underground resistance that Albus Dumbledore had founded once the true terror of Voldemort’s reign came to light._

_Later on, as the festivities of the wedding began to die down, most of the Order and older relatives of the newlyweds had long since disappeared. And here Lily stood with her friends, the future of the Wizarding World. She smiled at Sirius' failed attempt at asking Marlene to dance, and instead she and Dorcas moved to the dance floor hand in hand. Remus charmed the grammar-phone to play a soft melody, and he joined the girls._

_Lily felt weird, her smile faltered slightly as she tried to make sense of this feeling. Something that bubbled in her chest a year ago; it was a new feeling, something mixed with contentment and extreme sadness, something she really could not understand. A feeling that she hasn’t been able to vocalize to anyone else yet, not even James._

_Of course James loved Lily, and he knew that she was slightly off. He has observed her smile so often over the years, he’s studied her frown, he laughed along at the look of disgust on her face whenever she hears something disgusting that Sirius says. This new look, painted across her lips, it’s almost as if it was a ghost of a smile. A true, genuine Lily smile, it was something he feared would never return after her Father’s funeral last October. It was almost as if she knew the world around them was about to crash, she always did._

_“Hey.” He bent down slightly to whisper into her ear, “Let’s go dance.”_

_She turned to him, quickly forgetting all her worries and grinned mischievously. The light in her green eyes glowing stronger than ever before. James prayed to a God he didn’t believe in that that light would never disappear, he would do whatever it takes to keep her eyes glowing._

_She grabbed his hand and together they skidded across the dance floor, giggling together as Lily wrapped her arms over James’ shoulders. He ran his hands down the soft, burgundy fabric of her dress, setting his hands just above her waist. “This has been such a beautiful day.” Lily said finally, after settling into the rhythm of the music._

_“Our wedding will be beautifuler.”_

_“I know you are smart James. I know you know that isn’t a word.” She joked lightly, nonetheless she was thrilled he had the same thoughts streaming through his mind. They hadn’t even been together for a full year, actually it was around New Years of this year when they finally committed to each other. After a year and a half of playful flirting, longing glances, some kind of messy friends with benefits type of thing, and a lot of disgusting pining - as Sirius would put it; they finally put their fears and anxieties aside and admitted the love they held dearly for each other. Neither of them have ever been good at actually vocalizing their feelings, but they seemed to figure it out in a way that worked for them. And they were very happy with it._

_James stopped moving suddenly, and dropped down to one knee._

_Lily’s heart stopped as she realized what he was doing, she laughed loudly and lightly smacked the side of his head. “I swear James Potter, if you propose to me at someone else’s wedding I am going to cast your balls off.”_

_“What?” He looked up at her, meeting her eyes and laughed along with her. “I’m just tying my shoe.”_

_Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, and James continued to banter off as he tied his shoe. “You wouldn’t want me to trip and break my beautiful face would you?”_

_“I don’t need your face to have a good time love. As long as those abs aren’t going anywhere.”_

_“What was that?” He said standing up and wrapping his arms around her waist once again. “You only like me for my body? I knew it.”_

_“Har har.” Lily barked softly as James continued to twirl her around. This was it, the perfect moment of contentment in his arms. Something she hoped she would always be able to hold onto._

_Of course, this was the life of Lily Evans and these moments never lasted as long as they were meant to. She felt a chill go up her spine, and heart sunk down to the floor. She stopped her dancing for a moment, to observe her surroundings. Her friends continued on with their conversations merrily, unaware that something was wrong._

_Something was going to happen, Lily could feel it. James looked down at her sadly, “What’s wrong Lil’s? Aren’t you having a good time?”_

_Lily opened her mouth to respond, but before any words made their way out of her mouth; several loud cracks filled the room. The roof of the banquet hall exploded in glass shards all around, and flashes of red, purple, and green lights were tossed across the room._

_Lily felt herself slam onto the ground, with James weight on top of her. He rolled off of her, pulling both his and her wands from his dress robes and sliding hers across the floor._

_Death Eaters had crashed this beautiful day, but the worst was yet to come. Lily felt sick as she watched him descend into the middle of the dance floor. They had never seen him in person, all of the training they had to endure over the summer, it all came down to this fight._

_The dark lord had come for battle._

**Additional Notes:**

**Follow me on tumblr @ lame-adventures for plenty of previews to this piece!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the support for my story! Feel free to check out my tumblr account lame-adventure for chapter updates and my fancast for the story. Without further ado here is the 1st chapter!

**Chapter 1**

**September 1st, 1978**

James Potter sat at his kitchen table, a mug of coffee in one hand and The Daily Prophet in another. The smoke from his recently ashed out cigarette lingered across the room, swirling the stuffy air and painting the room in a gray cloud. It would have been a very poetic sight he mused, had he not been enraged by the headline laid in front of him in big black letters. 

**Minister of Magic and Hogwarts Headmaster Disgraced - Protecting Werewolves**

It had been a little less than a month since the Longbottom’s wedding, a little less than a month since many of his friends were defeated in battle, since the Dark Lord came down and truly showed the world the damage he was ready to do. 

Remus Lupin disappeared that night, they haven’t heard a word from him yet. There were rumors circulating that Voldemort and his followers were collecting werewolves, training them to fight against everything good that was left in the world. James and Sirius were at the forefront of the mission to find where the Death Eaters were keeping the werewolves, desperate to find their friend. Every second that James thought further into the torture that Remus was going through made him sick with anger.

Dorcas Meadow was murdered that night. Bright eyed, brown haired Dorky. She was gone from the world. 

James couldn’t think about this, he didn’t even know how to begin to process Dorcas being taken so cruelly from them. 

He tapped his foot anxiously as he waited for his girlfriend to return home, along with Marlene. They had gone on a raiding mission the previous night, following a lead that Alastor Moody had given the girls about some werewolf children being held in a home in a muggle neighborhood in Durham. 

The mission itself was simple, James was not worried about Lily, he knew she could hold her own. All they had to do was collect the children, and give them to fellow Order member Lynn Prewett; a forty - something, blue haired auror, who had founded an underground refugee camp to hide werewolves from being recruited by Death Eaters. 

So no, James was not worried about Lily, he just couldn’t seem to fall asleep without her by his side. They were in a war now, but that doesn’t mean life stopped moving forward. 

Sirius and Peter had seemed to convince James to take his mind off of it that night, and they all got trashed at a muggle pub in London. But it was nearing eight in the morning now, and James’ anxiety could not seem to dissipate. Especially when reading the horrendous headline that the Daily Prophet had published that morning. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thumping down the hall, and Peter emerged into the kitchen with dark bags under his eyes, clearly hungover from the previous night’s events. 

“I can’t imagine putting away the amount of booze that you and Sirius seem to be able too.” Peter groaned as he poured himself a cup of coffee, failing to take notice of James' frazzled state. 

“The birds still not back?” Peter said more softly as he sat down at the table too, across from James. 

James nodded his head slowly, and pushed the paper across the table so Peter could read it as well. 

After a moment Peter lifted his head up, “Merlin’s beard. It’s almost like the prophet is writing death eater propaganda.” 

“This is dangerous Pete.” James started, “They already found the Order headquarters once. How do we know they won’t try to go after the Projects that Lynn set up?” 

Peter blew out a long breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers, “We don’t.” After another moment of silence, he spoke again. “Why do you think we haven’t found Mooney yet?” 

“I dunno. Wherever they got him. I dunno.” James tried to say, he couldn't really speak coherently through the anger bubbling in his throat. At that moment, Lily’s cat Oliver jumped onto James lap, and James’ heart warmed slightly.

Oliver was an extremely finicky cat, a fat orange thing with a pug-like face, and only cared about Lily Evans. He typically hissed at any other person that came into his personal bubble. Oliver was content with James though, going as far to let James hold him, and that was more than James could ask for given the way this cat seemed to attack other people for so much as looking at it the wrong way. 

The front door swung open, loudly crashing into the wall. Forcing the cat to jump up onto the table and knocking James’ coffee over. 

“Fuckn cat,” he muttered quietly, before rushing over to the door to envelop his girlfriend in a deep hug. And Peter sulked off to his bedroom. 

She looked exhausted, her red hair was thrown up into a loose ponytail, with whips of baby hairs circling her head almost as if she was wearing a crown. She had deep bags underneath her eyes, and her mascara smudged all over. 

“What? No hug for me?” Marlene said with a hint of jealousy. Her eyes twinkled in humor, but it was clear she was in the same disheveled state as Lily. 

James rolled his eyes and ruffled Marlene blonde curls. 

“Everything go alright?” James asked nervously. 

“Yes yes. Sorry we didn’t come back sooner.” Marlene answered quickly, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms over her chest. “We went to get breakfast with Lynn and Ted Tonks.”

“I should’ve owled love.” Lily said, kissing his cheek. “We didn’t think it would take that long. But you know Lynn. Once she starts talking about something she can’t seem to stop.” 

“Any word about Mooney?” James asked, slightly hopeful. The girls shook their heads sadly, James looked at the floor dejectedly. 

“You boys get hammered last night?” Lily asked lightly, deciding a change in conversation was needed. She leaned into James' chest as his arm was still wrapped around her. 

“You know it baby.” James grinned boyishly, “First night off in weeks and I couldn’t even have my bird by my side.” 

“Well we have the Order meeting tomorrow, and then we all have the night off.” Marlene reminded James, “We should do something. Maybe invite Alice and Frank over? Have a nice dinner and a little chat.” 

Lily nodded eagerly, but felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of her friends who were not here. Dorcas loved those kinds of gatherings, always happy to prepare a large feast for her friends. 

She felt James tense around her shoulder, and she knew his mind immediately jumped to Remus. God help him. 

They were all supposed to live in this flat together, it was something Dumbledore had set up for all of the Order members, after the Order Headquarters was destroyed the previous month. He and Kingsley Shakelbot had found an abandoned building on the corner of a bustling street in London, confounding it to disappear from sight unless you were an Order member. The basement of the building served as the new Headquarters, while the rest of the building was designed into different flats to house the devout Order members. Those who had quit their jobs in order to work for the Order of the Phoenix full time. James and Lily share one room in this flat, Sirius had another, Marlene was supposed to be sharing a room with Dorcas, and Peter with Remus. 

But Dorcas and Remus were not there. And Lily hoped against all hope that one day Remus would be able to join them once again. 

Peter emerged from his bedroom towards the entrance of the flat, carrying a large duffle full of what James presumed to be his laundry. 

“You off for the day?” 

“Yup, gonna go to that laundromat across the street and then check in on mum.” Peter said nonchalantly. James smiled sadly at him, Peter’s mum had been diagnosed with cancer about a year ago and had made very little positive progression. 

“See you Peter. Give her my love!” Lily said as they shut the door behind him. 

“Well I’m beat.” Marlene yawned, “I’m going to bed I’ll see you two later.” 

Lily moved into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water with James at her heels. “Do you want to eat something Lils?” 

“I’m okay, I ate when we met with Ted to go over our talking points for our presentation at the meeting tomorrow night.” She spoke softly, Lily and Ted were the only two muggle-borns in the Order, and after a bit of urging on Lily and James part they had finally gotten Alastor Moody to agree to giving a presentation to some of the older Order members on how to dress and act like a muggle in public. 

“I don’t know why they all aren’t wearing muggle clothes already. They are so much comfier, and easier to get in and out of.” James said, pulling at the collar of his grey crew neck sweatshirt. 

“The wizarding world is so conservative it’s almost like being in the States.” Lily laughed. 

Oliver the cat walked up next to her, pushing his fat body against her legs and began to meow for attention. 

“Oi, shut it.” James glared down at the cat. “She is my girlfriend.” 

“Jealous of a cat now huh?” Lily asked seriously, “I really can’t leave you alone for that long can I?” 

“No please don’t do it ever again.” 

“Hmpf. Clingy.” She said, taking a step closer to James. “Did you sleep at all last night?” 

“No.” He answered honestly. “I figured I would just sleep with you today. What else am I gonna do holed up here?” 

Lily barked out a laugh at that, James did not like city life. He needed acres of countryside to be able to freely roam. “Someday love, we will have a place right on a lake.” 

“With miles of freedom.” 

“And no flatmates.” Lily smiled as James quickly nodded his head in agreement. 

“Bed?” He said, holding out his hand for her to follow him into their room.

“I need a bath first.” Lily said, scrunching her nose slightly. 

“May I join?” 

Lily smiled, the thought of sitting in the warm water in James arms was all too enticing. 

***

Later on that afternoon they laid in bed together, in a comfortable silence. James slowly ran his fingers through Lily’s hair while she lazily traced circles up and down his chest. This was their favorite time together, when they were alone and nothing or no one could hurt them. 

Lily groaned slightly at the thought of having to get up and give herself at least some sustenance, she had barely been able to touch the breakfast she ordered earlier that morning, and was greatly feeling the effects of it now. 

“Alright Evans?” James asked quietly. 

“Yes. Of course, just thinking about supper.” She replied quickly. 

“Is that all?” 

“Mhm.” She pressed her body a little closer to his, embracing the warmth his body radiated. She smiled softly into his shoulder when he pressed a kiss to her forehead, grabbed her hand, and interlocked their fingers. 

“I know you’re lying to me. But I’ll ignore it for now because I would like to eat before my patrol shift with Peter tonight.” James said, once dusk comes he and Peter would relieve two other Order members who patrol nightly outside of the Ministry. “Do you and Marlene have plans tonight?” 

“I think she has plans with Sirius.” Lily said, a knowing grin on her face. Sirius and Marlene were a force to be reckoned with, their on again and off again relationship was more of a mess than any muggle romance novel Lily has ever read. When Remus is added into the mix it can get a little wild.

“Well… what are you going to do then love?” 

Lily thought seriously for a moment, and smiled madly as she spoke, “be alone.” 

Alone time was a rarity nowadays, and it was something Lily basked in whenever she was given the chance. She knew she had to meet with Andromeda Tonks and Molly Weasley later in the evening, neither of those elder women were officially in the Order, as they had families to take care of. But they did take an active part in helping to plan funeral services for fallen members, and they were more than happy to help Lily and Marlene finalize the plans for Dorcas’ funeral. 

This was especially something Lily was not looking forward to, she was really done with going to funerals. 

She forced that thought into the back of her mind, that was something to deal with for another day. She had James with her right now and that’s all that really mattered. She rolled over slightly, so that she was on her side and facing him. 

“How was Sirius last night?” She asked quietly. 

James sighed slowly, and turned his body to face hers the same way. “I think he’s just going to repress the hell out of this until Remus comes back.” 

“But what if he doesn’t?” Lily voices her fear for the first time since the Longbottom’s wedding. They hadn’t talked about it much, as Lily’s plan for dealing with the ordeal involved pretending it didn’t happen. 

“He will.” James said confidently, “he has too. He is a marauder, remember?” 

“I just wish Sirius wasn’t so dependent on Marlene. One of them is bound to get hurt.” 

James thought seriously for a moment, and chose his next words carefully. “Lils, remember when at the beginning of sixth year? When you had come back to school after losing your Mum? You hadn’t said a single word to any of us for a month.” 

Lily scrunched her nose trying to remember, she had mostly blacked out during that time. She had been so lost, and made some impeccably poor choices during that month. 

James continued on, “Do you remember what you did that night after the first quidditch game? When you had gotten black out drunk and dragged me into the Gryffindor locker rooms?” 

“You know I don’t James.” Lily said, heat flushed up her neck as those repressed memories began to creep back into her mind. 

James rolled his eyes at her, nevertheless he spoke casually. “You begged me to shag you. You said you needed to feel something. Anything.” 

“And you, of course, being the gentleman you are,” Lily finished the story for him wanting to move on from this conversation, “told me to come back in the morning because you didn’t want your first shag with me to be while I was drunk.” 

“Exactly, but that’s not the point I was trying to make.” He spoke firmly, “what I’m trying to say, is that some people don’t deal with their emotions in the healthiest of ways.” He gave her a pointed look. “Shagging is a good way to forget.” 

Lily stared at him, her thoughts ran a loop around in her head while she tried to make sense of what he was saying. She was tired, and hungry, and done with this conversation. She untangled herself from the weight of his arm, and sat up crossing her legs, running her fingers through his messy black hair. 

He caught her hand and ran her fingers across his lips, eyes widening as a thought popped into his mind. “Oh my god. You’re like a woman-Sirius.” 

“Duh.” She said simply. She got out of bed and threw on one of James’ jumpers that had been discarded on the floor a few days earlier. 

“We really do need to clean up here love.” James said, while he rolled onto his back once again and tucked his arm under his head. 

Lily plaited her auburn hair, so it loosely hung over one shoulder. She glared around the room, she realized it was mostly her stuff that scattered the floor and piled the armchair that sat in the corner. Their shared dresser was littered with books and the contents of her makeup bag. She couldn’t really care enough to clean up though. 

She sighed as she remembered she didn’t have the energy to care about anything these days. 

She hadn’t been able to hide the frown that grew on her lips and James noticed immediately. “Alright Evans?” He grinned at her, noting that the messiness of their shared room was not something he was going to bring up again. 

“Of course.” She walked across the room and picked up a book off of the dresser, “I’m going to have some tea, would you like a cup?” 

“Yes please.” James called out as she left the room. 

*** 

The next evening found the large London flat crowded to the brim. Lily and Marlene had worked hard all afternoon to prepare a large pot of spaghetti and garlic bread for all their friends after the Order meeting that night. 

Alice had brought over a cake she seemed to have baked from scratch. And James and Sirius provided the booze. 

Lily sighed contently as she scanned the room from her spot in the kitchen, her mind becoming a little hazy from all the alcohol she had consumed after the Order meeting. She had decided that it had been a drag, and there was to be absolutely no talk of war or death eaters for the rest of the night. She frowned deeply as she noticed James, Frank, and Sirius bowing their heads in a deep conversation across the room. 

She set her wine glass down on the kitchen counter where she had been chopping vegetables for their salad, stalked over to where they sat and casually sat on the arm of James’s chair. James instinctively snaked his arm around her waist.

Sirius popped his head up, grinning madly at her. “Hey Bug.” 

Lily groaned internally at the nickname, but chose to ignore it. “I have a bone to pick with you three.” 

James quirked his eyebrow up at her, and frowned slightly as she tried not to slur her words. 

“Yes?” Sirius urged. 

“No Order talk. We are celebrating friendship tonight.” Lily spoke wistfully. 

“You’re right Lily. It’s my bad.” Frank said, smiling at her. “I’ll just go help Alice finish setting up the table.” 

He moved to get up, and James whispered softly in her ear, “drunk already?” He asked softly. 

Lily giggled in response, missing the worried look James and Sirius had shared. Sirius stood up quickly, grabbing her hand and pulling her off the chair. “C’mon Lily, let's go get some food in you. Yeah?” 

“Marls and I worked hard on that spaghetti.” Lily reassured him, she wobbled slightly on her feet and silently admitted to herself she was much drunker than she would like to be. 

She took a seat at the corner of the table that Frank had magicked to fit all of them, squeezed tightly between James and Marlene. 

She nudged Marlene in the ribs, and whispered in her ear. “Dorky would be proud of us.” 

Marlene found Lily’s hand under the table, gave it a firm squeeze, and smiled at her widely. 

As terrible as things were now, with their missing friends from the table, and the war looming outside the walls. Lily relished in the moment that things were going to be okay, at least for tonight, surrounded by everyone she loved. She smiled to herself as she dug into the heaping pile spaghetti on her plate. 

Later on that evening, after Frank and Alice declared they were good and tipsy, and left for their own flat. James was in the kitchen finishing the cleaning duties he had promised he would do while Sirius and Peter were listening intently to a talk show on the muggle radio that Lily insisted she install in the flat. 

Lily and Marlene were the drunkest of the bunch, they sat on Marlene’s bed, munching on left over cake and playing a game of exploding snap. Lily screamed loudly as she lost again, shoving a piece of cake into Marlene’s face. 

“You bitch!” Marlene screamed back, slamming her own cake into Lily’s chest. Lily began laughing harder than she had in months, clutching at her side. Marlene cackled along grabbing Lily’s shoulder and spilling the cards onto the floor. 

“Oh no!” Lily yelled, diving off of the bed after the cards and onto the floor, crashing loudly into the small space between the bed and the wall. 

“Lily! No! I’ll save you!” She leaned down to pull Lily up, but instead Lily pulled the blond girl down on top of her. 

At the third loud scream and second crash coming from Marlene’s room, the three marauders sprinted down the hall, wands out. 

“What the hell?” James laughed, as soon as he realized what was really going on in the room. 

The girls were a sight for sure, faces red from laughing, limbs tangled, and cake smeared all over their faces and clothes. 

Sirius laughed, as he turned to James and Peter, barking out, “Damn boys if I had known the girls were gonna pull these kinda shenanigans I would have stuck them in a room together permanently.” 

“Birds are terrible to live with.” James quipped back. 

The girls were still lying on the floor, laughing as hard as ever. 

Peter quickly walked into the room, grabbing Marlene’s muggle camera off of her dresser and snapped a picture of the girls. He prayed that the happiness in this moment could last forever. 


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's wonderful feedback on my story has completely fueled my writing and I am spitting out chapters every night. This is awesome and I love you all. This chapter is a doozy, and SO much fun to write I can't wait to share it. Just a little note, there is a scene that I stole from a oneshot that I had written like six years ago; I amped it up a little bit to fit more with this story. But I had originally published on one of my old Tumblr blogs that I can no longer get into. So without further ago Please enjoy Chapter 2!

**Chapter 2**

The next two weeks had dragged on and everyone was busier than they had been all summer. Moody had insisted on members of the Order doing patrols in Hogsmeade, now that Hogwarts was back in session for the year, and the Death Eater threat was more severe than ever. 

On this particular Thursday night, Lily and Sirius were assigned to patrol in Hogsmeade. 

“Bug, we should stop in The Leaky Cauldron when we are done with our shift for the night.” Sirius said, lighting a cigarette with his wand and handing the pack over to Lily. “For old time sake,” he added with wink. 

Lily nodded fiercely, Dorcas’ funeral was the next morning and Lily was sure she wouldn’t get a wink of sleep that night.  _ There’s no better way to bury the dead,  _ she thought grimly to herself. She thought back to her Father’s funeral in the previous October. 

The actual funeral, Petunia had planned all by herself, and barred Lily’s attendance. 

So Dorcas had taken upon herself to plan a private funeral just for Lily. It was held on the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, and attended by Lily’s closest friends, friends that Lily had come to see as family. 

Lily didn’t think she could handle another funeral. Especially for poor Dorky. 

Her thoughts were spinning rapidly, and she felt a little dizzy as she stood there sucking down her cigarette. 

“You okay Bug?” She mentally cursed herself as Sirius’ question broke through her thoughts. She knew she had a massive frown planted on her face, and she knew Sirius had seen it. 

“Yeah. Great.” Lily tried to sound confident, but faltered. She knew she couldn’t keep anything from Sirius, but she wasn’t about to stream her thoughts out to him tonight. “I think that’s Lynn and Ted coming to relieve us.” Lily said thankfully as she spotted Lynn’s blue hair from a block away. 

“Ah yes.” Sirius dropped his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out with his boot. “That’s not very inconspicuous Lynn! Your hair can be spotted from a mile away.” Sirius laughed as he greeted the older woman. 

“Oh hush boy.” Lynn said, “People see my hair and think I’m crazy, they stay away from me.” 

Lily laughed as she spoke, “we’ll be at the Three Broomsticks.” 

“Oh Merlin,” Ted said, rolling his eyes. “Sirius you better leave that poor Rosmerta alone.” 

“You know I won’t Ted.” Sirius said with a wink as they gleefully walked arm in arm down the dimly lit street to the Pub. 

It was weird at this time of night, Lily had thought to herself. Of course she had been out late before, James had snuck her out plenty of times for a drink during their Hogwarts days. But the atmosphere was a lot calmer now, almost as if the patrons of the bar were afraid to make too much noise, or have too much fun. In fear of another death eater attack Lily assumed. 

She took a seat at the bar, and Sirius plopped down next to her. 

“Merlin!” Madam Rosmerta greeted them with glee. “Sirius, Lily! I hadn’t expected to see you both so soon.” 

“Hey Rosie.” Sirius threw his most mischievous grin at her. 

“I don’t care how old you get Sirius. I will always be Madam Rosmerta to you.” She leaned over the bar, her cleavage as prominent as ever. “What will it be tonight?” 

“Two shots of Firewhisky.” Sirius said, failing to make eye contact. 

“Make that two for me as well.” Lily quipped quickly. 

Madam Rosmerta began pouring their drinks, and continued speaking a lot more softly. “Where’s the rest of the lot tonight?” 

“Not a clue. We thought we’d fancy a walk down Hogsmeade, come see our favorite barmaid.” Lily said joyfully. 

“On the house.” Madam Rosemerta said sliding their shots across the bar. “Holler if you need anything else.” 

Lily picked up her shot, and downed it in one easy go. She smiled to herself, remembering how not even three years ago she could barely get a sip of firewhisky down her throat without vomiting. 

“You ready for tomorrow?” 

“No.” Lily replied honestly. “Remus should be here,” she said grimly, regretting the words as they slipped from her mouth before her brain caught up with her lips.

Sirius grunted in response, quickly downing his second shot. 

Lily followed with hers, and spun around in her seat to face him fully. “I’m sorry,” she said kindly. “We’ll get back home. Moony is the strongest of us all, he will make it through this.” 

Sirius looked up at her, his dark eyes shining with sadness, “I just wish Moody would let us do more.” 

A week after the attack on the Longbottom’s wedding, James, Sirius, and Peter spent more than a week searching for Remus. The rest of the Order hadn’t heard from any of them, and eventually once Peter showed up bloody and bruised in Dumbledore’s office, Moody had made it very clear that the search for the kidnapped werewolves would be halted until they had some sort of lead to follow. 

Lily and Alice had spent the better part of that time with Remus’ Mother at her cottage in the Northern part of Whales. Doing whatever it took to comfort the distraught woman. 

“It doesn’t feel right. Continuing on without him.” Lily said. 

“We can’t be sitting on our arse’s. Waiting for a miracle.” 

A comfortable silence grew between them while Madam Rosemerta came back over, silently sliding two large mugs of butterbeer across the bar. 

“How’s it going with Marlene?” Lily said, deciding a change in conversation was needed. 

“Eh.” Sirius shrugged his shoulders, “She’s good company. You know that I’m sure.” He said, grinning madly at the memory of Lily and Marlene drunkenly snogging at one of the Marauders infamous parties during sixth year. 

“She’s a great snog that’s for sure.” Lily said cheekily. “She likes you a lot Sirius. Don’t hurt her.” 

“She likes everyone a lot.” 

“That’s a fair point,” Lily said. “How does it work anyway? With the three of you?” Sirius, Remus, and Marlene had been in some kind of love triangle for the better part of the past two years, eventually turning into some kind of polyamourus relationship. 

“We don’t let our feelings get in the way. You know that.” Sirius laughed, and added almost as if it was an afterthought. “We aren’t gushy like you and Prongs.” 

“Tosser.” Lily chuckled, smacking his shoulder. “We aren’t like that in front of you guys.” Lily hated public displays of affection. 

“You don’t have to snog in front of other people to be gushy, Bug.” He spoke matter of factly, “Just seeing the way you two make eyes at each other is nauseating. You’re like a couple of franky fourth years.”

“Okay that’s enough. You and Remus are just as bad, and you know it.” Lily gave a hearty laugh once again. 

“It’s good to hear you laugh like that Bug. We’ve missed it.” 

She made an exaggerated attempt at rolling her eyes, trying to make it clear she wasn’t a big fan of that nickname. Although, and she would never tell anyone this of course, she really loved hearing that word come from his mouth. Sirius had accidentally overheard her Father call her Lilybug after fifth year, when he was picking her up outside of Kings Cross station. Ever since, Sirius has taken to referring to her as ‘bug’. It was endearing in a way, Sirius was like the obnoxious brother she had always wanted. 

“You should try to shut down less. We all love you. We want you to come to us when you are sad.” His tone took a more serious turn now. 

“That’s the problem though isn’t it?” Lily began, she did honestly like trying to make sense of her emotions with him. He understood her in a way most people weren’t able too. “I’m not sad really. Just. I don’t know. Confused I guess.” 

“I’ve never met a bird like you, so confused with your emotions. Remember Christmas last year?” 

Lily shuttered at the memory; when James drunkenly, and loudly, announced to the Gryffindor common room that he was madly in love with Lily Evans. 

“You cried for nearly a week, trying to make sense of it all.” Sirius said pointedly. “It wasn’t until Peter brought it to your attention that you love James, but you were too bloody scared to do anything about it.” 

“I’m scared of a lot.” She remarked, somewhat weakly. “But there is a war on, witches and wizards like me all over Europe are at the forefront of it. And the purebloods like you and James are going to get killed for protecting muggleborns like me. There’s loads for me to be scared of right now Sirius. And, I don’t know. After seeing Dorky murdered the way she was, it really put into perspective the seriousness of this all.” She finished speaking, voicing her greatest concerns outloud for the first time in weeks.

He sat quietly for a moment, smiled slightly, and spoke finally. “You leave the seriousness to me, you just live your life.” He grabbed the top of her hand and gave it a firm squeeze. 

Lily finished off her butterbeer after another long silence fell between the two. “I’m bored of the talk.” She said, flashing Sirius the mischievous smirk she had long since adapted from the Mauraders. “Get me drunk.” 

Two hours later, Lily and Sirius loudly crashed into the fireplace of their shared flat. Lily giggled madly as she spotted Marlene sitting on the oversized sofa, the papers she had been skimming flew around her. 

“Marls!” She shouted gleefully, running over to the blond and throwing her arms around her. 

“You’ve been drinking I see?” Marlene smiled at the two, Sirius answered with a fierce nod. 

“Everything go okay tonight?” The blond asked, laughing again as Lily began to pick up the papers that were now scattered across the floor. 

“Of course! We just went to the Three Broomsticks afterwards.” Sirius began to speak, slurring his words. 

“Is James back yet?” Lily asked hopefully, James had gone to his parents house for dinner that evening. 

“Yeah he got back about an hour ago.” Marlene replied quickly, taking the papers that Lily had handed her. 

“Well then I bid you all a goodnight.” She gave Marlene a sloppy kiss on her cheek, and skipped off to her bedroom. 

“She’s awfully cheery when she drinks isn’t she?” Marlene observed. 

“We should take a page from her book, we could all use some cheer around here.” Sirius said, snaking his hand around Marlene’s waist and planting his hand firmly on her bum. 

“Alright slag, off to bed with you. We have to be up early.” 

*** 

Lily knocked softly on the door to her bedroom before entering. She didn’t hear a reply from James so she opened the door slowly, trying to be as quiet as possible, in case James was already asleep. 

To her surprise, the room was brightly lit, the radio played loudly, and James sat cross legged on their bed flipping through a Quidditch magazine. She felt a pang of guilt as she noticed her clothes, that had been previously scattered across the floor, were now sitting in a basket at the end of their bed. 

“You cleaned up.” She stated, as she kicked off her shoes and discarded her coat onto the arm chair. 

“I did.” 

“You didn’t have to clean up my mess, I would have done it.” She stated firmly. 

He looked up at her incredulously, “No you wouldn’t have.” 

“I’m sorry your girlfriend is such a bloody mess,” She said somewhat sadly, sitting on the bed. 

He leaned over and kissed her temple, “I’d say if I’m lucky enough to call my girlfriend, I can put up with picking up after you.” 

She wanted to melt right then and there, he always knew the most perfect things to say. 

“Did you hear us come in?” 

“No, I put a silencing charm on the room. Sirius called me through the mirror and told me you guys were stopping for a drink.” He stated, tossing his magazine aside. “Did you have a good time tonight?” 

She nodded, noticing the glass of water sitting on the nightstand. James really was too good for her. 

“Good. I’m glad.” 

“How are your parents doing?” She asked softly. 

“Old.” James said slowly, “Mum wants us to come for dinner the next time we both have a night off.”

“Mmm. That sounds lovely, you know I love her cooking.” 

“There is leftover roast and potatoes in the fridge if you’re hungry.” 

Lily shook her head, moving closer to James and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Not so much hungry,” She said slyly. 

“Oh I see,” James said, kissing her full on the lips. 

She moved her arms underneath his shirt, beginning to pull it up over his head. She stopped for a moment, taking in the full sight of her shirtless boyfriend in front of her. She smiled sweetly, chewing on her lower lip, while James laughed at her, “We are never going to get to what you want if you keep gawking over me.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around her back and unclasping her bra. She moved to sit on him, straddling him between her legs while he played with her boobs. 

Soon enough, they were both lying completely naked, James full weight on top of her. He held onto her hands lightly as she wrapped her smooth legs around his torso and he entered her slowly, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear. She clawed at his back with her heels, as if asking him to move faster, and he greedily obliged. Peppering kisses down her neck, he began to grind harder into her than ever before. She began to whimper as need pooled into her belly, grinding into him with a sense of urgency. Their rhythms were completely out of sink, but they didn’t care. It was always best like this, when they were filling their own needs before the others, while still working towards the same goal. 

Their sex had always been messy, even from their very first time. When they were young and dumb sixteen year olds. Lily had tried to make the first move, and he graciously rejected her, as he didn’t want his first time with her to be out of a drunken stupor, opting instead to allow her to spend the night wrapped in his arms in his bed in the boys dormitory. When Lily had woken up that following morning, she had put a silencing charm on his curtains while she straddled him. Waking him up with a heavy kiss on his chest. How the boys didn’t know what was going on in James bed that morning was still a wonder to her, or maybe they were just polite enough not to say anything. 

Tonight was no different from the countless other times they had each other. She finished first, with a breathless moan, and James quickly followed staring deep into her bright eyes. He collapsed on top of her as he pulled out, chest heaving and a sheen sweat covering them both. He moved down slightly, so that his head was resting gently on her breasts. 

She stroked his hair lightly, closing her eyes and drifting off into a dreamless sleep. Tomorrow was going to be hell. But they had tonight. 

*** 

“Lils. You gotta get up.” 

She groaned internally, and dug her head even further into the fluffy pillow once a stream of light flashed into the room. 

“Lily, come on, I've already let you sleep in an extra half hour.” James said sternly, throwing the black dress she had planned on wearing on top of her. 

She popped one eye open and immediately the tears she had been holding in for the past month and a half, threatened to spill over. The sun was shining so brightly, and Dorcas would have basked in a beautiful day like this. It was such a perfect way to lay her to rest. 

By the time she was ready, everyone else had left except for Marlene and James who had been waiting patiently on the end of the bed. 

“You gonna brush your hair?” Marlene asked gently. 

Lily rolled her eyes and sauntered back off to the bathroom to take a look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was stringy, and clearly hadn’t been washed in a few days. She felt unbelievably embarrassed as she stared at herself. Her skin felt dry, and the bags underneath her eyes were heavier than ever before. 

She saw Marlene staring at her through the reflection in the mirror, “Oh Lily. I love you but you look so terrible. What’s going on?” 

The ginger shrugged her shoulders sadly. “Okay I’ll do your hair if you can do your makeup.” Marlene said, pulling her wand out and silently casting a charm on Lily’s head. 

By the time the girls exited the bathroom, Lily’s stringy hair was clean and soft, parted to the side the way she liked. Lily had caked concealer underneath her eyes and begrudgingly smudged some mascara onto her eyelashes. James handed her a glass of Pepper-up potion and she happily downed it, hoping for her hangover to dissipate soon. 

“How was Sirius this morning?” She said as they made their way out of the building, so they could safely apparate to the cemetery. 

“A lot better than you sweetie. Some people can actually hold their booze.” Marlene quipped. 

“To be fair Padfoot is about twice the size of Lily,” James had reminded Marlene. 

They had appeared in the cemetery where they had planned to lay Dorcas to rest, her coffin sat prominently in the middle of the ceremony with red and gold roses covering the ground and swirling up the mahogany wood of the coffin. 

A large picture of Dorcas sat in a golden frame, and Lily saw an older couple with graying hair staring intently at the photo. The woman was whimpering softly, and the man wrapped his arm tightly around her shoulders. They were Dorcas’ parents. Dorcas was an only child, and the pride and joy of the Meadowes. 

The night after Dorcas had first been murdered, Lily and Marlene sat with them all night, doing whatever they could to comfort the couple who had lost their shining daughter. 

“We should go say hello.” Lily said, looping her arm through Marlene’s, they slowly walked over to Dorcas’ parents. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Meadows?” Marlene spoke first. 

“Oh girls!” Mrs. Meadows exclaimed, throwing her arms around Lily and Marlene. “You girls did such a beautiful job with the arrangements. Oh Thank you! Thank you.” She nestled her head right between their shoulders, and Lily felt the first stream of tears for the day fall from her eyes. 

“Thank you girls.” Mr. Meadows wept along with his wife, hugging each girl individually. “It’s wonderful, truly.” 

“I’m just sorry it couldn't be any sooner,” Marlene said. 

“The Order wanted to make sure it was as safe and secure as possible,” Lily finished sadly.  _ At least there was no hint of an impending death eater attack today,  _ Lily thought grimly. Half of the auror department was circling the perimeter of the cemetery, and every protective charm possible was put up around them. 

“I believe the ceremony will be starting soon, you girls better take your place.” Mrs. Meadows said with one last tight hug for both of them. 

Lily took her place besides James, who stood tall, as he wrapped an arm around Lily’s shoulder. 

The warm sun masked the crisp autumn air, and Albus Dumbledore stood at the podium to speak. Lily drowned out the words, she didn’t want to listen to yet another story of someone who died too young. She closed her eyes and swayed against James, while she allowed her tears to stream down her cheeks in never ending rivers. 

At the end of the ceremony, she and Marlene went arm in arm and scattered white rose petals on Dorcas’ casket while after being lowered into the ground. 

Dorcas’ parents then followed, kneeling at the grave and holding tight to each other as the rest of the attendees of the funeral slowly filed out. 

Lily and Marlene walked ahead of the rest of the group, trying to catch up to Alice and Molly Weasley. They had planned a luncheon at the Order headquarters for after the service. 

“Lily, could we speak when you have a moment?” Alice cornered Lily once they were back at Order Headquarters and various groups of Order members had split off eating causally, and forcing light conversation. 

“Of course!” Lily said, trying to hide the worry that grew on her face. 

“We can go up to my flat, for a little more privacy.” 

“That sounds great, I’m pretty tired of socializing with all these different people today.” Lily picked up her purse and slid it into her shoulder. “I’ll just let James know I’ll be at yours.” 

She quickly walked across the room to where James had been standing, nursing a drink and in a deep chat with Fabien and Gideon Prewett. She whispered in his ear quickly and pecked him on the cheek before going back to Alice. 

Once they had finally gotten up to the Longbottom’s flat, Lily sat at the table while Alice put the kettle on. They made light conversation, mostly Alice reminiscing of her Hogwarts years, and Lily sharing small details of her own. Alice was the Head Girl of Howard’s during Lily’s first year. Throughout the last three years, the girls had gotten incredibly close, after reconnecting at one of the Potter’s infamous New Years Eve parties. Lily admired the older witch, with her sweet dimples and short brunette hair. It was almost as if Lily had an older sister again. 

“So Lily, there is of course, a reason I wanted to talk to you in private.” Alice said, setting two mugs of tea onto the table, and Alice took her seat across from Lily. “I felt like it would’ve been rude coming to you with this today, of all days, but I got word from Moody that the next phase of the Project was going to begin soon. And I was just too excited to not tell you about it. I was petrified that someone else would say something before I got the chance.”

Lily wrapped her hands around her mug, soaking in the warmth it had radiated, and nodded along to urge Alice to keep talking. 

“Well, you know that the death eaters have been going into muggle communities and slaughtering whole families.” Alice spoke darkly, “we are going to be expanding the Projects to accommodate families of Muggleborns who have not yet started their time at Hogwarts.” 

Lily felt her jaw drop and her hand jumped to her mouth, the implications of what Alice was saying were pretty severe. The fight over blood purity had turned so ugly that the only solution to protecting muggleborns and their families was to put them up in refugee camps. 

Alice continued on, “Lily I would like you to forefront this with the Tonks and I.” 

“What?” Lily sat in awe, she had only ever been asked to go on missions before. Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever thought she would get to lead something as important as the refugee camps at the Projects. 

“We will of course be starting with having to contact families of Muggleborns, and getting them to agree to go into hiding. I imagine this will be the toughest part of course. You, Ted, and Dumbledore will begin with collecting families.” 

She paused to take a sip of her tea, “but our ultimate aim is, to make this refugee camp as close to normal living as possible, until it’s safe for these families to rejoin society.” 

“I see,” Lily nodded along. 

“So we will be opening a school for the children to attend, you know the pre-Hogwarts level stuff. And Lily, we would like you to run this school. You’re experience, dedication to the cause, and ability to teach others is a force to be reckoned with. The ministry will, of course, be providing you with a sustainable salary.”

Lily sat in shock, but a smile ran across her face madly. For the first time since her mother’s death, since her father's death. Since losing Petunia, and Dorky’s murder. She had something to look forward to, something that was just hers. Something to care about. 

“So? What do you say?” 

“Oh Alice, I’d love too.” She said quickly getting up from the table to embrace Alice in her arms. 

This is what she needed. Something new, a project, and a way to help in this war. To save lives.

*** 

The following weeks were some of the most hectic weeks that the Order had ever experienced; between the expansion of the Projects, the search for kidnapped werewolves, and the increase of attacks on muggle towns. James and Lily had only been able to spend time together for a handful of moments. 

Those moments of course, were the most blissful moments in Lily Evans young life. Because when she had James by her side, joking, crying and everything in between, the war was forgotten. The losses and tragedies were set aside, because they had to keep living their lives. 

James had been able to convince Moody for a weekend off from Order duties, claiming a morale boost was desperately needed. Moody had begrudgingly agreed, citing that burnt out teenagers were of no use to the cause. And that is how, on this chilly Halloween night, Lily had found herself in Amsterdam. 

“I still don’t understand why we had to go all the way to a different country James.” Lily said, rolling her eyes at the overwhelming romantic antics of her boyfriend. “I would have been just as content with an evening at home.” 

“But you’ve never been to Amsterdam.” James said matter of factly, “and besides I haven’t been able to take you out properly in months. We need to celebrate your new job.” 

Lily laughed softly, pressing her body closer to James as they walked hand in hand down a brightly lit street along the river. “Where are we going anyways?” 

“It’s a surprise love.”

“You know how I feel about surprises.”

“You love them?” 

She shook her head fiercely, Lily had more than enough surprises in her lifetime. 

“Well you’ll love this one. We’re here.” 

Lily was, in fact surprised, as they stood outside of a huge bookshop. She felt tears welling up behind her eyes as she took in the extraordinary - albeit quirky, bookshop. There had to be at least five different floors, with a small bakery on the first floor. She smiled widely as they entered the shop, books lining the walls and an abundance of shelves scattered throughout the room. 

“I did good?” 

“Oh James.” She squeezed his hand tighter, “How did you find this place?” 

“My nanny brought me here when I was younger. I’m not all that clueless when it comes to muggle culture you know.” 

“I never thought you were,” she said, standing on her tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“Go on, have fun. I’ll get you whatever you like.” 

And with that Lily skipped off down one of the many aisles, gleefully examining every book she touched. She had found several silly romance novels, and held them close to her chest while she began to explore biographies. She had picked up a copy of  _ The Suffragette Movement: An Intimate Account of Persons and Idealism.  _ Her mother had read this book to her long before she began her years at Hogwarts. She chuckled to herself, thinking of all the ways she had been liberalized before she had been thrust into the war over blood purity. Her mum would have been very proud of her today. 

She had walked up the floor consisting of sports themed books, looking for the perfect book to gift to James, ever since she had introduced him to football he had been absolutely enthralled with the sport. Even buying a ball to kick around with Sirius when they were still at Hogwarts. 

But she stopped suddenly, the books in her arms clattering to the ground. The terrible feeling came back to her, and she knew something horrifying was about to happen. She had to find James, they had to get out. 

She felt dizzy, as she began to run down the aisle calling out his name. Of course he had been on the floor about sports. 

“Can you believe there isn’t a single book about quidditch?” James mused, once he heard her calling for him, and failing to look up from the magazine in his hands. 

She continued running toward him at full speed, colliding with him and knocking the magazine out of his hands. He saw the disturbed look that had fallen on Lily’s face. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his heart racing faster as he began to grasp something serious was happening. 

“I don’t know. Something bad is going to happen.” Lily rushed out, fear dripping her voice as she spoke. “I can feel it. I think there is going to be a death eater attack.” 

“I’ll call the Order.” He said, pulling his mirror out to contact Sirius. 

“Sirius! Peter.” He crouched low, shouting into the mirror. 

“What?” Thankfully Sirius has answered immediately. 

“They’re coming. Call the Aurors. You know where we are.” He shoved the mirror back into his pocket and pulled out his wand. 

“We have to get the muggles out before they attack.” Lily shouted at him. 

He took her hand and they began to run towards the staircase when books began to fly off the shelves. 

“They’re here Lils. Be ready to fight.” And with that final word a shelf had toppled on top of them, crushing them underneath. 

Lily had awoken, a throbbing pain in her head and an enormous weight pinning her to the ground. One of the bookshelves had collapsed on top of her. 

Flashes of green light were tossed around the air and Lily’s heart sunk as she saw a group of children fall to the ground. 

“Lily.” James was hovering over her now, his glasses shattered and blood gushing from a cut at his hairline. “Lily can you move?” 

She tried shaking her head, but felt herself unable to even do that. Her arms were pinned beneath the bookshelf, and James began to move it off of her. From the corner of her eye, she saw several dark figures circling them. She would have vomited right then and there; as she realized they were cornered, injured and unable to fight. Before she could open her mouth to warn him, James had been shot back to the ground, stunned in place. The dark lord slowly approached them. They were going to die. She knew it.

“It would be unwise to attempt to fight back.” Voldemort had said, crouching down to their level. “James Potter and Lily Evans. At last.”

“Let us have a little chat shall we?” 

Lily felt tears running from her eyes as she attempted to scan the horrifying face of Voldemort. “I have come with an offer. Join me. Your power is undisputed. Join me and the life of a mudblood and a blood traitor will be spared.” 

Cracks began popping all around them, as Lily turned her head slightly to look at James. The aurors appeared and began closing in on them. 

Voldemort disappeared, with a resounding crack, and the fighting began. Members of the order and aurors began shooting spells across the bookshop, attempting to take down every death eater in sight. 

Any strength she had left she used to wiggle her arm free. She weakly reached out to James, who was still stunned to the ground, unable to feel the soft touch of her fingers on his arm. She saw the recognizable figure of Sirius, his hair pulled back and fear lining his face as he lifted the bookshelf off of her and lifted her into his arms. “James,” She whispered once more, before allowing herself to succumb to darkness once again. 

*** 

It was a day never to be forgotten, James would look back on it later in life and just laugh at all the things that could have possibly gone wrong and think to the most perfect moment in an imperfect life. 

It was a rather impulsive thought at first, after the horrific night in Amsterdam, that left them physically and emotionally spent. They were young and ambitious - unfathomably talented wizards. And therefore the perfect people to have at the frontline of battle. The two young lovers, fresh from Hogwarts. She was eighteen years old and witnessed four muggle children being murdered. He was eighteen years old and witnessed two superiors lose all will to fight. James Potter and Lily Evans were eighteen and witnessed the dark lords reign first hand. The first time they defied the dark lord. Voldemort.

And that is what brought them here, twelve hours later, in the bed they shared together. Wrapped in each other's arms. No words had been said in the last few hours. No words needed to be said. Lily traced her fingers along his jaw, his stubble quite prominent now. James trailing his fingers along her waist where her tank top had ridden up. She lay almost completely on top of him, their legs tangled together and her head buried into his chest. James could be in this position forever, he could be with this woman forever. 

And later he could blame it on the teenage impulsiveness he never grew out of, or the extreme exhaustion he has succumbed to from lack of sleep in the last 38 hours. But on a whim he spoke his thoughts aloud. 

There was a silence for a few moments and James was certain Lily didn't hear him. 

But alas she did. "Hmm?" She said not even lifting her head, her eyes heavy with sadness. “Will you repeat that love? I didn't catch that." 

A deep breath in, he repeated himself, "I could spend forever with you." 

"I love that idea." She whispered back. And that is what drove James impulsiveness further past the edge. He has wanted to do this for months now, years even. There was no better time than the present.

Without a second thought he spoke the first thought that pushed its way into the forefront of his mind. 

Something he had always wanted to say to her and now finally found the right way to say it. "How about we get married?" 

Her eyes widened a little at the statement, her heart rate sped up and she leaned up a little, staring James down in the eye looking for any sort of a gleam of a joke. But she found nothing but pure sincerity, his eyes begging for a response. 

She fell in love with those hazel eyes that gave her all the love and admiration of a queen. "I'd love to." She spoke with a smile tugging at her lips. "Someday when this war is over we will have the biggest wedding of all." And he could truly imagine the things running through her mind, she would look beautiful in white. But he wanted this now. 

The possibility of a future so limited and he wanted to make this girl his wife before he loses the chance. "No, now. Let's get married now." He said, voice rising from the excitement. 

Lily sat up at this, leaning on her arm, her wavy auburn locks draping down her back, "James," she spoke cautiously. He directed all his emotions into the single eye contact she made with him. 

“Okay.” 

He sat up too wrapping his arms around her, and planting a line of kisses down her neck. "Listen, Lily I have loved you since I was eleven years old. And I plan on loving you for another four hundred years. I want to be with you and I want to make it permanent." 

He pulled her down so he was on top of her now, kissing her lips generously. "Let's grow old together Lily." James beamed down at her. He began moving down to deepen the kiss and was now pulling his hand at the sweatpants that rode down to low at her hips. 

When she stopped him from any further action. "And I expect a ring too, a beautiful ring. It's all a girl dreams about you know." He could do nothing but smile at her as he flipped the sheet up so it covered the both of them. Leaving them to wander to somewhere beautiful and magical and away from war.

Another hour later, she had him cradled in her arms, her bare chest pressed against his bare back. “Are we really going to do this?” 

“I want nothing more. I want you to be my wife. Today” 

“There is a twenty-four hour chapel in Dublin. We could go right now.” 

“How do you know that?” He laughed, turning to lay on his back. 

“My parents were married there.” She spoke, mirth shining through her eyes. “We almost died last night James. I don’t want to spend another moment not married to you.” 

He sat up quickly, pushing a fresh pair of glass onto his face. “Okay. Let’s go.” 

Lily jumped out of the bed, throwing on one of James’ shirts, and skipping around the room looking for her panties that had been previously thrown onto the floor. “We’ll need witnesses.” She said suddenly. 

“We’ll go wake up everyone else.” James couldn’t even attempt to wipe off the smile that dawned his perfect features. 

“Peter isn’t here. He’s patrolling with the Order.” Lily reminded him. 

“Okay. That’s okay,” James said, running his hand through her hair. “We just need two witnesses right? Go get Marlene, I’ll grab Sirius.” 

Lily pulled on the pair of sweatpants that had been previously tossed onto floor, and quickly threw her hair into a messy bun. She made for the door, but not before turning around and throwing herself at James. She kissed him hard, and whispered against his lips, “I’m going to be your wife.” 

She smiled with so much ferocity, her face probably would have been stuck like that forever. 

She ran out of the room and down to Marlene’s bedroom. Hopping onto the girl’s bed and whispering in her ear, “I’m getting married.” 

Marlene’s eyes shot open, “What?” 

Lily bounced up and down, “I’m getting married. Right now. James and I are. Right now. Let’s go.” 

Marlene shot up, frowning as she took in the ginger girls appearance, “you’re not wearing that right?” 

“Of course not. You twat. Come on, help me find something to wear.” 

“This is insane Lily.” 

“Yes.” 

“When did you decide this?” 

“About an hour ago.” 

“Merlin's beard. You have gone insane.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, thinking for a moment. “Okay. Let’s go.” 

Lily grabbed her hand, and they ran back to the room that Lily had shared with James. 

“Out, out out!” Marlene shouted at James excitedly, ushering him out the room. “You can’t see the bride before the wedding.” She yelled out, slamming the door in his face. 

“Oh my god Marls. What am I going to wear?” 

“Give me a second,” and she began to skim the closet while Lily went to the mirror and began to run a brush through her hair. 

“This is a muggle church. Go tell James and Sirius they have to wear suits or something, James knows a spell to transform his dress robes.” Lily said, deciding she needed to shower first, and hopped off into the bathroom that was connected to their bedroom. 

“Sirius. Come out here,” Marlene called at the door. 

“Bloody hell. Are they really doing this?”

“You know there is no talking Lily out of something once she has her mind set.” 

“They almost died yesterday. Let’s let them live a little,” Sirius grinned widely. 

“Okay. So here’s what we are going to do.” Marlene thought quickly, “I’m going to help Lily get ready, and I’ll get the address from her where they plan on going. You guys meet us there in half an hour. Got it?” 

“Got it.” 

“Oh and Sirius, you have to dress like muggles. James can charm your dress robes.” 

“Merlin's beard,” he said, rolling his eyes and turning back to his own room. 

Marlene went back to Lily, and went to work digging through her closet. 

She found the perfect dress, and began to work her magic. Turning one of Lily’s dark blue, a-lined pieces into an ivory white dress, adding lace sleeves to cover the bruises that had now splattered the girl’s arms, and decided a delicate floral design on the bottom would be a wonderful touch. She heard the shower turn off, and called out through the door. “You’re gonna love what I got for you Lils.” She grinned at her work and began digging through Lily’s closet for a dress she could wear. 

“Can I borrow one of your dresses?” 

“Of course. There is that body-con gold colored one in there, that I wore to the Potters New Year’s Eve party last year! It would look beautiful on you!” 

Marlene found it, and quickly threw it on. Deciding to brush her own hair and rifling through Lily’s make up bag, pulling out what she thought Lily would look best in. 

“Oh my,” Lily emerged from the bathroom, wearing only a towel. “Marlene thank you! It’s beautiful.” She threw her arms around the girl, tears happily falling from her eyes now. 

By the time they were ready to leave Lily had never felt more beautiful in her life. Marlene managed to put Lily’s hair into a waterfall braid, lacing lillies throughout it. 

Lily stopped at her jewelry box, and dug through it a little, finding the gold band. It belonged to her father, and she knew it would look perfect on James' finger. 

“You ready?” Marlene asked, tucking her camera into her purse as the girls walked out of the flag and made their way down to the designated apparition spot. 

“I’ve never been more ready for anything.” Lily said, and they took off with two audible cracks. 

Sirius met them at the doors of the chapel, explaining that James was on his way and he had gone to get the proper legal papers for them to make this impromptu wedding legitimate. 

“And these are for you.” He said, handing Lily a bouquet of sunflowers and dark red roses. 

“Thank you!” Lily smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him on the cheek. 

“You look so beautiful, Bug.” 

The next few minutes were a blur, and before she knew it she was standing at the altar, Marlene on one side, and waiting for James to arrive. 

The heavy doors swung open, and James ran down the aisle with a stack of papers in his hand. 

“Oh Lils.” He said, absorbing the breathtaking beauty of his soon to be wife. 

They sat in the pews while filling out the papers, and Sirius had happily tucked away the rings into his pocket. 

Soon enough they stood at the altar once again, and the priest began his spiel. Lily was too distracted by her happiness to listen to his words, making eye contact with James the entire time. 

“And the rings?” The priest looked at Sirius expectantly. 

James allowed tears to fall from his eyes once he realized Lily was slipping her father's wedding ring onto his finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.” 

“When did you get this?” She asked, as James presented her with a rose gold band, embedded with small diamonds, and a delicate emerald placed in the center.

“I’ve had it for a while.” He admitted sheepishly. “With this ring I thee wed.” He repeated her words, sliding the ring onto her delicate finger. 

“You May now kiss the bride,” 

James took Lily’s hands in his and pulled her close. 

Marlene pulled out her camera just in time to capture the first kiss of Mr. and Mrs. James Potter. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking by me guys! I will warn you all I plan to let this story go AU, so be prepared for some inconsistencies to canon hp.

Chapter 3

8:00 am

_ Mr. and Mrs. Potter, your presence is requested at the office of Albus Dumbledore on this date, November 3rd, 1978. 7pm _

_ Minerva McGonagall  _

“How the bloody hell do they know already? It’s been two days! You haven’t even told your parents yet!” Peter shrieked as he read the letter that had been dropped off by an Owl just a few minutes prior. 

“Oh god what if they tell my parents?” James said, holding his head in his hands, a cigarette dangling from his lips. 

“We’re not bloody kids mate. They can’t write a letter home to your parents and give you detention.” Sirius sat smuggly in the corner. 

While the impromptu wedding had been fun, it had been more than stressful having to deal with the after effects. Such as telling their friends and family that James Potter married Lily Evans.  _ Well it’s Potter now _ , James thought to himself. The giddiness has yet to wear off. 

Although, telling Peter that he had gotten married without him there, had hurt. They really hadn’t meant for all of their friends to feel so left out. And James knew his mother would be devastated that she didn’t get to witness it. 

It was fair to say that he had been avoiding his parents, James hoped his Mother would react the way Peter did. Understanding of the instinctive decision, at this point everything the members of the Order did was a matter of life and death. 

His father, was of course a different story. James dreaded his father’s reaction, he just wanted to avoid confrontation. Especially in front of Lily, she didn’t deserve to see his ugly side.

“Well Lily and I are going to my parents tonight for dinner, we are going to tell them then.” James said, “It will be fine I’m sure, we are going to let her plan some kind of wedding party.”

“That will be rough,” Peter said knowingly, Mrs. Potter had a knack for throwing the most extraordinary parties, albeit extreme. James had never cared for those kinds of parties but if this is what would make her happy he would have to oblige. 

“Well at least this will get me kicked up to ‘favorite son.’” Sirius said, winking as he stubbed out his cigarette and reached for another. 

“Wanker, you were already her favorite. She’ll probably move up Remus and Peter.” James said laughing. His smile quickly dropped though, thinking about Remus. He wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to tell the fourth Marauder of his marriage. 

A thick tension filled the air as the three men sat in the kitchen of their flat, smoke filling the air. 

“We better get rid of this before Marlene comes back and loses her head.” Peter said, flicking his wand and evaporating the smokey smell from the room. Sirius got up, and quietly sauntered back to his room without another word. 

“I don’t want to have the party until Remus is back.” James said confidently, “he’s not going to miss out on anything else.” 

Peter looked at him sadly, the boy had lost faith in this war a long time ago. The only reason why he had kept fighting was to ensure he wouldn’t lose anymore friends. “Well, I better get off to see Mum today.” He said weakly, getting up from his seat. 

“Give her my best, Pete. Does she have more treatment today?” 

“Yeah. It sucks though. Seeing her so weak after her treatments.” His voice strained, “Arthur Weasley has been trying to help me make contact with my dad. That twat should know.” Peter’s father had left him along with his mother when he was eight years old. 

“Good luck mate.” James said, forcing a small smile. 

“I’ll see you a lot later.” 

James sat at the table for a little while longer, finishing off his coffee and reading an article in a muggle sports magazine, before he had decided to check on Lily. 

After the attack, they had been taken to St. Mungos, where Lily had been given a high dose of pain relieving potion. The effects had worn off the previous night, and James and Marlene had taken turns holding Lily as she vomited into the toilet. 

James had been petrified, insisting they take Lily back to St. Mungos to have her checked out. But Marlene had assured him that vomiting was a normal reaction to a concussion, and that she would pick up some more potion in the morning. 

He wanted to allow Lily to sleep in for the morning, given how rough of a night she had. But he was getting antsy, and bored. If the order didn’t have a direct assignment for him to focus on, James' anxiety would come back at full force. He missed quidditch, and running around the Forbidden Forest in his Animagus form. But mostly he missed Remus. 

James Potter could not just sit around, he would go mad. 

So he gave in and decided to bother Lily. To his surprise though, she was already sitting up in bed, hovering over a folder full of papers. 

“I was trying to let you sleep.” James said, laying down beside her. 

“You can blame Sirius for that.” She muttered without looking up from her folder. 

“Dammit. The silencing charm must have worn off.” James said, “put that stuff down, you can lay down with me.” 

Lily groaned as James had forced the folder out of her hands, and wrapping his arms around her. 

“How are you feeling this morning love?” He asked, placing a small kiss on the back of her shoulder. 

“Eh. I’ve had better days. I don’t know how you aren’t so sore.” 

She said, referring to the seven stitches that had lined his hairline.

“I’ve actually been taking pepper-up.” He remarked, “unlike some.” 

He lightly traced the large bruise that began at the middle of her back and spiraled up to the back of her neck. It had turned a nasty shade of green overnight. 

Lily sighed deeply, relaxing into his touch. “Why would I need that when I have you to make me feel better?” 

“Because you spent half the night emptying out your insides into our loo.” 

She grimaced at the memory, “Don’t remind me.” 

“Does your head feel any better?” 

“A lot actually. I think throwing up helped.” 

“Well that’s good. Because I have some news for you.” 

“Oh great. I don’t want to hear it if it’s not good news.” 

“Dumbledore wants to meet with us.” James said without missing a beat. “Tonight.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know.” He spoke cautiously, “I would assume if it’s about the other night he would’ve had Moody contact us, but I received a letter from McGonagall this morning.”

“What? McGonagall?” 

“And it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Potter.” 

“Fuck.” She said, falling back onto the pillow and squeezing her eyes shut. Her head ache was coming back at full force now. “What do you think it will be about?” 

“Maybe they want to tell us how irresponsible we have been.” She popped an eye open at his tone. 

“You don’t think we’ve been irresponsible do you?” 

“Oh of course. But I don’t really care.” James moved closer, wrapping his arm around her stomach. “Do you?” 

“I don’t think so. It’s weird though, being married. I don’t feel any different,”

James thought momentarily, “well your name is different.” He teased, “but really I’ve known I was going to marry you since I was sixteen. It was just the next natural step.” 

“I think the next natural step would have been getting a place of our own.” Lily quipped. 

“Yes, that would be a good step. But I like this one a whole lot more.” James said, picking up her ring finger and lightly pressing against his lips. “Besides we’ll find a place soon enough Mrs. Potter. I just don’t know if Sirius will let us move without him.” 

Lily rolled her eyes and felt herself being lulled back into sleep, only to remember that she couldn’t just spend another day in bed and she had to get up and go to work. 

“Do you think Dumbledore is going to talk to us about the attacks?” She said finally, as she ran a brush through her hair. 

“I assume so.” James said. “Are we going to tell him everything?” The unspoken words spoke volumes to them, Voldemort had tried to recruit them. 

“Maybe he knows. He's Dumbledore after all.” 

“Do you think you should tell him about the other thing?” James asked lowly, knowing this wasn’t something Lily had wanted brought up.

“What’s there to tell? ‘I’m Lily Evans and I know when bad things are going to happen because I can feel it.’” Lily spoke darkly. She had never been able to explain this, how she felt when death was amongst them. It was just a feeling, a very cold and dark feeling.

“Hey.” He stopped her, grabbing her arm. “It’s Potter now.” 

“Oh yeah. Lily Potter.” She smiled, the name rolling from her tongue perfectly. 

“Hey 8:30 remember? My parents?” 

“Oh yes! Of course.” She stopped herself before agreeing fully, “Are you okay with going? I know things haven’t exactly been easy with you guys lately.” 

“Don’t you worry about me,” He said, pressing a soft kiss on her head. “The longer we wait to tell them the worse it's gonna be.” 

“Okay, but listen James. Talk to me about later, okay?” She said softly, he nodded in agreement. “We’re married now, we can figure shit out together okay? We just gotta talk it out.”

James laughed, she was such a hypocrite when it came to talking about feelings, “Yes, I forgot who I am married too,  _ ‘Lily, Queen of Talking it Out,’ _ ”

She rolled her eyes at him, accepting now that James will talk to her when he is ready too. 

“I’ll meet you at Dumbledore's office at 7 and we can go from there. Yeah?” He said anxiously, he would stay in bed all day with her if he could. He very rarely got these types of moments anymore, lying in each other’s arms. Laughing, and sharing stories.

Lily sat up, untangling herself from his reach. “I have to go love, I have a meeting, and then Marls and I have some serious crazy plans.” 

James' jaw dropped, “Er, what sort of crazy plans?” He asked cautiously

“It’s a surprise! You’ll love it.” 

“Who are you?” He asked incredulously, Lily notoriously hated surprises. James took in her appearance, her bruised body; but most importantly he looked at the smile on her face, and the wild way her eyes shone when she laughed with him. He would give up his life to keep Lily that happy and full of life.

He kissed her softly, “Marriage looks great on you. Mrs. Potter.” He whispered softly against her.

“Thank you.” She smiled against his lips, and skipped out of the apartment. 

James groaned as he realized she failed to take any sort of Pepper - Up and he knew she wasn’t going to be able to fully make it through the day without it. 

He took a quick peek at his watch, realizing he was going to be late for his meeting with Frank and Moody if he didn’t leave soon. 

James rushed from his bedroom, colliding with Marlene in the kitchen. “Hey James. Here ya go.” She handed him the bottle of pain relieving potion. “How’s our girl doing this morning?” 

“At work already. I’m going to be late too, do you mind stopping by the projects and giving that to her?”

Marlene rolled her eyes at her frazzled friend. Time management was the one thing James and Lily Potter have yet to figure out. 

“Bye Marls! Thank You!” 

*** 

11am 

“Ah yes. Lily!” Arthur Weasley was an odd man to say the least, he had vibrantly red hair, and he towered over everyone he’s ever met. But that’s not what made him odd of course, it was the little obsession he had with muggles, or rather all things about muggles. He had been fascinated, as Lily once explained to him how a toaster worked. 

“Mr. Weasley, good afternoon.” She said, extending her hand for him to shake it. They had met in his office at the Ministry, an incredibly small room 

“Lily. I hear congratulations are in order.” Ted said, standing up from his seat and beaming at the girl. 

“Oh well thank you.” Lily spoke a little shyly. This new normal, of being congratulated for being someone’s wife, was definitely a weird feeling. “How are you men fairing after the other night? Okay I hope?” 

“A lot better than you seem to be.” Arthur said, eyeing the bruises purpling bruises that still lined her arms. 

“Oh this is nothing,” Lily assured him, although she could feel her headache creeping back. “So fellas, what is on the agenda today?”

“Well next week we are going to begin collecting muggle families.” Ted started, “after the attack in Amsterdam, it’s more pressing than ever that we begin to hide these muggleborns.” 

“Of course.” 

“And how exactly do we go about this Ted?” Arthur asked. 

“Well McGonagall has given us a list of every Muggleborn in Britain that has been born for the past 10 years. Our best bet would be to start at the top and just work our way to the bottom. Protecting as many as we can.” 

“And what if they don’t come with us?” Lily asked once again, Ted had answered this question about a billion times for her. But this was too important to screw up, Lily had to do everything just right. 

“Lily, you are the best possible person for this job. Otherwise we wouldn’t be having you do it. Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” She said somewhat dejectedly. That didn’t do much to calm her nerves though.

“We’ll start bright and early next Monday morning. We are less likely to draw attention to ourselves if we move in broad daylight.” Arthur said, he wasn’t necessarily going to be collecting families from their homes, but he would be at the projects ready to receive the families of refugees. 

“We are hoping to have the school up and running by the beginning of January. Will you be ready by then?” 

“Oh yes. Most definitely, I’ve been doing a lot of research on muggle education geared for teaching all ages at once. I plan to start to make curriculums soon as well, and maybe have McGonagall take a look at them.” 

Ted smiled gently, “That sounds wonderful, and I know Andromeda and Alice have been putting up donation boxes all over London for ‘Refugee schools.’” He said with a bemused look, “Of course they don’t specify what kind of refugee school.” 

“Every flat in the camp will have as many beds to accommodate families, Molly is at the projects now. Helping some of the other ladies put together rooms.” 

Lily laughed at that, the woman had just given birth to twins last spring but somehow she never seems to stop. “And Marlene and I will be going to the ministry later this week to pick up the food they are providing. Emmeline Vance says there’s at least two whole months worth. Long enough to help families get settled.” 

“I just hope the right people in the ministry have this information. There’s many blood purists who I am sure would love to get their grimy hands on this information.” 

“We won’t let that happen Ted.” Lily said firmly, her green eyes sparklingly brightly as she spoke.

“Well is that all for today then Gentlemen?” Lily said, moving to stand up. 

“Oh yes of course!” Ted said, standing up as well to give her a gracious goodbye. “We’ll see ya at the next Auror meeting alright?” 

“Sounds alright. I’ll see you lot around!” She spoke cheerfully as she slipped from Arthur’s office. 

That was just one of the many things that she had to accomplish today, the next, the most imperative one would be to track down Marlene and see what the girl could do for her headache. 

*** 

12:00 pm

James Potter sat anxiously in Moody’s office at the Order Headquarters, bouncing his knee up and down while he and Frank sat in silence. Awaiting for Moody to make his appearance. 

Neither Frank or James had seen Moody since the attack at Amsterdam, and from what James had heard, Moody had been hit a lot harder than he let on. 

A loud thumping echoed down the corridor, and James' anxiety fully set in as he immediately realized who it was.

It wasn’t that James Potter was necessarily afraid of Alastor Moody, but the old Auror was certainly intimidating. 

“Potter, Longbottom.” He greeted, his rough voice piercing throughout the room. “Don’t get up, let’s not waste time with pleasantries.” 

James and Frank sat in shock, taking in the beaten appearance of the old man. The most shocking thing of all was the eyepatch sitting over his right eye. 

“I think it’s fair to say you have had an eventful few days. You ask for a night off and you get attacked.”

“Yes well,” James began, stopping as he realized Moody wasn’t finished speaking. 

“And is it true you got married?” 

James nodded, trying to keep his grin hidden. Frank looked over at him, giving him a smirk and an overly exaggerated wink. 

“Bloody hell. You kids and your weddings.” 

“I think we all need a little love right now Moody.” Frank said, flashing the old man a boyish grin. 

“Don’t tell my dad. My parents don’t know yet.” James said quickly, his fears from this morning making a reappearance. 

“Merlin’s beard.” Moody said, rolling his single eye at the boy. 

“Alright well, let’s get on with it shall we? Longbottom, where are you at with the seventh year recruits?” 

“I’m meeting with them at their next Hogsmeade weekend, Dumbledore is providing me with a list within the next few weeks.” 

“And Potter, you and Black will be accompanying him.” 

“Of course.” James said proudly. 

“Their training should begin sooner rather than later of course. Longbottom have you decided who will be training with you?” 

“The Potters of course, and I was thinking Lynn. She doesn’t scare off youngsters as much as the rest of us do.” Frank said with a smile. 

“Alright that will do. I will like a copy of your training plans on my desk by next Thursday. It’s imperative we do this with as much vigilance as possible.” 

“These kids have to know what they are getting themselves into.” James spoke gravely, “if the other night is any indication of what is to come we will need strong fighters.” 

“You speak as if you aren’t a kid yourself Potter.” Moody said. 

“Well, war does that to a person I guess.” James said, and Frank smiled at James proudly. Probably one of the best recruits into the Order of the Phoenix that Frank has ever found. 

“Alright gentlemen. Any questions?” 

Frank shook his head no, and began to stand up. But James stopped him suddenly, “Sir where are we on the search for the kidnapped werewolves?” 

“The Prewetts have been following several leads. But they have led nowhere, at this point we believe they are constantly being moved. We have no doubt they are being trained to kill mindlessly, Potter.” Moody spoke evenly, this information was upsetting of course, but if James wanted to be an adult he had to hear every bit of the adult conversations. “Potter, we all know how you feel about Lupin. But we also have to be prepared for whatever we find. We don’t know what sort of brainwashing has been done to them, if it’s more of a danger to let the werewolves free, then we can’t. You understand?” 

James’ heart sunk, he wasn’t an idiot. He knew what Moody had been implying. 

“Alright, that’s it for today. You know your assignments. I will speak with you again after the next Order meeting.” 

They bid farewell, leaving James and Frank to the empty halls of the Order of the Phoenix. 

“Lunch?” 

“Sounds good mate.” 

***

2:00 pm 

Alice Longbottom wouldn’t necessarily call herself an impatient woman. Infact, when it came to Lily Potter and Marlene McKinnon, Alice's patience rivaled that of a mother to a toddler. 

Lily and Marlene were almost an hour late to the lunch date that Alice had demanded the girls have. Of course they would have had a good reason, Alice had assumed. 

Just as Alice was about to wave down the waitress and get her bill, Lily had rushed into the tea shop. Looking sickly, her hair in whispy tangles around her head. Alice grimaced, Lily was so young, there was no need for this girl to look so damaged. 

“I’m so sorry Alice.” Lily rushed out, “I decided to buy a car.” 

“You what?” 

“I figured it would be a good idea, it’s a good muggle way to get around.” Lily began to explain, “If we are going to be having so much contact with muggles, I might as well try to make them as comfortable as possible.” 

“Well, that makes good enough sense.” Alice smiled, she had never driven in a car before. “Where’s Marlene?” 

“Ah yes, she’s just parking, I figured I’d let her drive around a bit and get some practice in.” 

“Merlins beard. So in other words the car will be totaled before tomorrow?” 

“Ye of little faith Alice. My teaching skills are impeccable.” 

“Ah yes. Silly me.” 

The waitress came by to ask for Lily’s order and the ginger quickly ordered a coffee for her and Marlene. 

Alice sipped at her tea for a second, and then remembered the news that Peter had shared with her the previous night. “Okay let me see, let me see.” She squealed excitedly, and Lily stretched out her hand for Alice to examine the ring on her finger. 

“Oh my. Lily.” Alice beamed, “I can’t believe you got married.” 

“Yeah. Neither can I.” Lily spoke nervously, chewing on her lip slightly. “I’m really sorry we didn’t invite you Al. I would’ve loved for you to be there. It was just so… I don’t know.” 

“It just felt like the right time?” Alive understood, she had been at St. Mungos the night of the Amsterdam attack, she had seen Lily in a state she had never seen before. If this is what Lily needed to do to feel alright, then it was alright with her. 

“We are going to have a bit of a wedding party. In a few months time. James figures his Mum will be pissed if she couldn’t take a handle on the planning.” 

Just as suddenly as the waitress had set the coffees down on the table, Marlene had flown into the shop, a wild smile plastered across her face. 

“Bloody hell that thing is fun. Sirius is going to be so jealous.” 

Lily smiled widely, a car was definitely what they needed right now. James would be thrilled. 

“So Al, can you believe our little girl here actually did it?” Marlene began excitedly, giving Lily a proud pat in the back. 

“I think it’s absolutely wonderful.” Alice said and Marlene shook her head in agreement, “You and James are like a fairytale.” 

Lily blushed deeply, “Oh alright that’s enough. Part of the reason why we eloped was so nobody could fawn over us.” 

Alice and Marlene smirked at each other knowingly, Lily was married to one of the most handsome men in England, and for the most part their relationship was entirely behind closed doors. Lily Potter was a weird one. 

“So how are you feeling Lily?” Alice asked once her fit of giggles subsided. 

“Oh alright.” Lily lied effortlessly, not wanting to worry her older friend. She felt Marlene tense up next to her, wanting to mention the previous night filled with vomiting, and Lily discreetly stamped on her foot. “I heal faster than most.” 

“You have a concussion.” Marlene had reminded her. 

“Oh bugger off, I got married the other night. If I was good enough for that I’m good enough to be sitting here right now.” Lily laughed.

Alice rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, and leaned her chin on her palm. “Oh I’ll miss you girls.” She sighed sadly. 

The smile on Lily’s face quickly faded, “Are you going somewhere?” 

“No not really.” Alice hadn’t meant to share this information yet, it was still too soon. “But Frank and I decided it would be best for me to step away from the war for a while.” 

Lily’s jaw dropped, and she beamed. She was one intuitive girl. 

“What?” Marlene asked, clearly missing out on something. 

“I’m pregnant.” Alice said quietly, she had wanted this for so long it felt like she would’ve jinxed herself by saying it out loud. 

Lily squealed, bouncing up and down in her seat, and Marlene clasped her hands over her mouth. 

“Bloody hell. You were going to let us sit here and chat while you have that news to share?” Marlene blurted out. 

“It’s still early, we only found out last week. We weren’t really planning on telling anyone yet, it sort of just slipped out.” 

“Oh Alice! I’m so happy for you, you are going to make the most wonderful mother.” Lily said excitedly. 

Marlene gazed at the two women, children were something she had never wanted. But she would be more than okay with being an aunt. “Congratulations Al,” Marlene said, “you lot are really growing up and moving on huh? How’s about a toast?” She lifted her mug up and the other two girls followed suit, clanging their mugs together. 

“Well how about you Marlene? Have you ever thought about settling down?” 

“Oh goodness no. I’m just having fun.” Marlene said, Lily clasped her hand onto the blond girl’s knee under the table. Marlene McKinnon was not in love with anybody, she never had the ability to fall in love. But what she had with Remus and Sirius, that was different. She didn’t know how to explain it, none of them did. With Remus gone, she and Sirius had just continued on as normal. But there was a piece missing, and she did feel very sad about it some days. 

Lily sensed they needed a more uplifting topic change, and began to steer the conversation back to Alice’s news. “Yeah Marls, not too much fun lest you end up like Alice.” 

“No talk of babies for either of you girls. You’re both too young. Got it?” Alice said, catching Lily’s eye. 

Lily gave a firm nod, “Merlin could you imagine the marauders with babies?” She chuckled at the thought of Sirius attempting to change a diaper. 

“Frank will be a wonderful father.” Alice said assuredly, “He has wanted this for so long.” 

“He’ll be absolutely lovely,” Lily agreed. 

*** 

7pm 

Albus Dumbledore sat in his office, the clocking striking at the hour. His glasses sat at the top of his nose, and he scoured over a copy of papers that sat on his desk. 

James and Lily showed up precisely at 7, with Minerva McGonagall leading the way into the large maroon shaded room. 

“Ah yes. Lily. James. Have a seat.” Dumbledore smiled gently at the nervous teenagers, “Minerva please take a seat as well, I would like you to stay for this discussion.” 

“Well I must start off by saying congratulations to the both of you.” The old man began, and Lily studied him. His wrinkled features softened as he spoke, and Lily had noticed McGonagall had a small smile planted on her face as well. 

“Well, er thank you.” James said, trying to mask his surprise. 

“But I am afraid we have much more pressing matters to discuss.” 

“The attack the other night.” Lily said, any tact she had was suddenly left at the door. 

“Precisely.” Dumbledore began, “I would like you to tell me what happened that night. The recounting you gave at headquarters was a little scattered.” 

“To be honest sir, we don’t necessarily know. It all happened in such a blur.” 

“James, maybe start from the beginning. You had contacted Sirius before the Death Eaters had even arrived. How did you know?” McGonagall asked. 

Lily sighed deeply, and James wrapped his hand around hers. “I knew Professor. I don’t necessarily know how, I just felt something dark.” She paused, she didn’t like sharing this information. She had always known something was a little off about her, when she met Severus and he introduced her to the wizarding world she thought all of her questions would be answered. But now, eleven years later, Lily still couldn’t figure out why she felt things other witches and wizards didn’t. She had never opened up about this to anyone, that was until James. 

Lily continued on, as James encouragingly squeezed her hand. “Whenever something bad is going to happen, whether it be an attack. Or someone I know is dying, I can feel it.” She paused, fearing she sounded mad, but the curious gleam from Dumbledore’s eyes told her she was anything but mad. “Sometimes I feel it in my chest, or my spine. And all I see is black.” 

“Interesting.” Dumbledore mused. “And would you say, since beginning your fight in this war. That you have been experiencing this more frequently, maybe even more ferociously than before?” 

McGonagall and James sat quietly as Lily contemplated the question. “I remember feeling something when my mother first died.” She said quietly, “And then again when my father passed.” 

“And when Hogsmeade was attacked when we were in 7th year right?” James prompted. 

“Yes.” Lily stopped, her heart drummed widely against her chest and in her ears, “what do you think it is Professor? I’ve studied a lot of divination and Legilimency over the past few years and nothing sounds similar to what I experience.”

“To be quite honest Lily, I do not know. But I am just as curious to find out. This skill could be incredibly valuable to our cause. Which will bring us to our next important topic of conversation.” Dumbledore stopped himself, pausing as he began to collect his next words thoughtfully. 

“Voldermort tried to recruit us.” James interjected before he could stop himself. 

“Do you have any idea why?” 

James shook his head no, and Lily remained silent. She had truthfully attempted to block out that part of the night. She had never been so helpless before. 

“He wants power.” Lily said suddenly, “He doesn’t care about blood status. He just says that to get blood purists to stand behind him. To create an army.” 

“Why else would he have tried to recruit a Muggleborn?” James said. 

“This isn’t the first time he has tried recruiting members of the Order.” Dumbledore took charge of the conversation once more, “He has come after the Longbottom’s and the Prewett brothers as well. But coming for you Lily. That proves our worst fears, Voldemort intends to reign over the wizarding world. And he will stop at nothing.” 

They all sat in silence for a few moments, while James searched for the right words to portray his heroism. Alas he found none, and Dumbledore spoke once again. “Well that will be all for this evening. I have a rather large glass of mead and a nice novel waiting for me at my bedside.” 

They said their goodbyes, and James and Lily silently followed McGonagall out of the office and through the echoey halls of the corridor. 

She had opened up the large wooden door to the front of the Castle, and gestured for them to leave without making too big of a scene. But before the Potters made their exit, McGonagall had reached out for Lily’s shoulder. Stopping them in place. “I really am proud of who you two have become.” She said smiling, “You carry on the Gryffindor name well.” 

Lily felt a sudden urge of contentment for this elder woman, who she had come to see as a sort of mother figure during her years at Hogwarts. “Thank you.” She whispered. 

“I’ve always rooted for you two. I’m glad to see it has finally worked out.” McGonagall shut the heavy doors behind them, and Lily and James strode arm in arm down the narrow path, into the cool night. 

“Did you really buy a car?” James asked, once they were free from Hogwarts grounds, towards Hogsmeade where they could safely apparate.

“I did.” 

“Oh shit. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” Lily rolled her eyes, “Your friends just have big mouths.” 

“Well you’ll teach me how to drive right?” 

“Of course I will tosser, We are married now. It's our car.” 

James topped walking suddenly, “Say it again.” 

Lily smiled widely, repeating the words softly. “We are married now.” 

James bent down to kiss her on the temple, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and shoving one into his mouth. 

“No, no. I need one too.” She said, James extended the pack to her and she too shoved one in her mouth, lighting both hers and James with the tip of her wand. 

“We’ve still got some time before we have to go to your parents,” Lily said anxiously. She loved the Potter’s, she didn’t want to disappoint them with her and James’ recklessness. 

“Lets go get a drink. I’ll need one.” James said. 

They walked into the small wizarding village, and passed two unrecognizable aurors who were presumably patrolling for the evening. 

Lily decided she didn’t necessarily want to go sit in a bar, and James suggested they buy a bottle of firewhiskey and sit on a bench along the lighted streets. Lily readily agreed and this is how they found themselves, exuberantly tipsy at 8pm that evening. 

“We’ve gotta sober up before we go to your parents love, they are going to think I’m a bad influence on you.”

“Pffh, you know they’ll think it's me who's corrupted you.” 

“Regardless, we should get some coffee or something.” 

“I have a better idea,” James said, a seductive grin forming on his lips. He moved down to kiss Lily along the nape of her neck, his lips hot from the firewhisky. 

“James, where we gunna go?” She whispered, melting against his touch. 

“Mmm. Woods?” 

“It’s freezing out, do you want me to get frostbite on my arse?” She thought seriously for a moment, and laughed at the next thought that popped into her head. “Shrieking Shack?”

“Oh boy, that’s a throwback.” He said, He took her hand and they began to sprint across Hogsmeade until they reached the raggedy old shack. 

They knew the path well, as most of their seventh year Hogsmeade visits were spent at the shack. James could never really understand why Lily loved it so much; it was always drafty, with loose wooden boards sticking up out of the floors, and peeling gray wallpaper. In fact, James thought it was a rather sad, dirty looking shack until Lily put some life in it, covering the room with colorful blankets and pillows. 

“It’s fucking colder in here than it is outside,” He said, blowing a stream of fog from his mouth. 

“You act like you aren’t a wizard.” Lily said rolling her eyes, she shivered as she pulled her wand out and cast a warming charm across the room. James pointed his own wand at the fireplace, igniting a fire and lighting up the room. 

It was almost a clubhouse of sorts, for the Marauder’s when they were in school. Lily and Dorcas had decided it needed some sprucing up when they were in sixth year, and planted a large plaid sofa in the middle of the room, along with an ugly green chair. There sat a coffee table, and a record player that Sirius had gotten to work without the need for electricity. Even almost six months after they left Hogwarts, the room was as cozy as ever. James flipped a record onto the players and a staticy Rolling Stones song boomed across the room. 

Soon enough Lily and James were lying naked on the sofa, wrapped tightly in a blanket. James was on his back, and Lily laid on top of him, resting her head against his chest. 

“It’s wonderful having alone time like this, I wish we could do it every night.” Lily said.. 

“Oh yes, It’s very nice being able to shag you without the fear of someone barging into the room.” James agreed. “We’ll have our own place soon enough love, and you can fill it with as many obnoxious colors as your heart desires.” He said, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

They laid in silence for a few more moments, soaking in each other’s warmth. “Did you know Alice is pregnant?” James asked suddenly, just quiet enough for Lily to hear. “Frank told me today.”

“Funny enough, Alice told me today too.” Lily said, smiling against his chest. 

“Would you want to have a baby someday.”

“Someday. Very far away.” Lily said, propping herself up on her elbows, her breasts lightly grazing against his abdomen. This was the first time either of them really talked about children. 

“I want lots of kids, Lils, enough to make a quidditch team.”

“Well I don’t know about that. One or two would be nice.” Lily bit her lip, searching his eyes with her own. 

“It seems silly, having a baby in a war.” James spoke again. 

“Alice has always wanted to be a mother. I think they feel like if it doesn't happen now, it might not ever.” Lily said, “but I would want the world safe before we start trying for kids. I don’t want them to grow up without a proper family.” 

James kissed her affirming an agreement to her words. 

“Oh bloody hell.” Lily rolled off of him quickly, wrapping the blanket around her as she pulled her blue dress and gray cardigan back on. “James we are going to be so late,” She said, realizing it was close to 9:00. They were supposed to be at his parents house by 8:30. 

“Oh it’s alright, Mum’s used to it by now.” He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and tossed Lily her, her tights. “Dad’s always prepared for me to disappoint him.”

“Well let’s just get on with it then.”

*** 

“James Fleamont Potter! You did WHAT?” Euphemia Potter shrieked an hour later. 

“Erm,” James said awkwardly, Lily had gone stark white, sitting silently beside him. “We erm, we got married the other night.”

“Why the ever loving fuck did you not think to tell us?” Fleamont Potter roared. “You almost get killed on Halloween. We don’t hear from you for days, and now we find out you have gotten married? I’m about to toss you into the loony bin boy!” 

James shifted uncomfortably in his seat, remembering the ways he used to be scolded as a child. 

“Lily dear, we aren’t mad at you of course.” The elder Mrs. Potter said sweetly, her entire demeanor changing into something much sweeter and softer as she spoke to Lily. “Welcome to the family. Your husband is an idiot.”

“Uhm. Thank you.” Lily said awkwardly, attempting not to laugh at the scene unfolding in front of her.

James rolled his eyes, albeit a little thankful he didn’t end up giving his parents a heart attack. They were significantly older than most; after struggling to have a baby for years, James was born when his parents were close to their mid-fifties. 

Fleamont Potter earned quite a large fortune when he was younger, developing a potion for hair styling. When Lily was in school, she used to laugh at the boy whose dad invented wizard hair gel, but the boy didn’t know how to use a hairbrush. Once Lily got to know Fleamont Potter, she began to get a greater understanding towards her husband’s disdain for rules.

James was the spitting image of his father, of course Fleamont’s hair was lined with silver twinges and his skin bore a multitude of wrinkles. Euphemia, James’ mother was a small woman, with silvery curls that sat right above her shoulders and the kindest smile that Lily had ever seen on another person. 

After another few moments of awkward silence, Fleamont sat in deep thought. Eventually he spoke again, “well of course your mother and I are very happy for the two of you, we knew this was coming at some point.” 

“I just wish I could have watched it happen.” Mrs. Euphemia said sadly.

“Well you still have Sirius.” James reminded her, “and Lily and I will allow you to plan the biggest wedding party you want for us.” 

“Really?” His mother perked up at that, James usually hated her parties; everyone knew that. 

“Yes. Whatever you want to do we are for it.”

Euphemia sprang from her chair and threw her arms around Lily’s neck. “Oh I’m so happy you are finally my daughter!” She squealed. 

Lily’s heart melted as she sat in Euphemia’s arms, she had always craved a family that loved her, and now she had James, who showed her a kind of love that she never thought possible. James smiled as he watched the sight, he wasn’t worried at all. They loved Lily. 

Euphemia quietly slipped Lily a glass of wine as she shared with the young girl, her secret family recipe for a Brattenberg cake. And Fleamont quietly pulled James aside for a much more personal moment. 

“James. What the hell is wrong with you?” Fleamont asked, once they were finally alone. “The women don’t need to hear this James, it’s not appropriate for me to go off in front of your new wife.” 

“Dad, we are not having this fight again.” James had said firmly, he had secretly dreaded this all night knowing this is how it would eventually end up. Being scolded by his father. Like he was eleven years old. 

“I love Lily, I think she is wonderful for you James. But you need to think about the risk you are dragging yourselfs into.” Fleamont began, he truly was proud of James activism. But James was stubborn, he wasn’t going to give up this fight, especially when their futures were so bleak. “You and this girl are gonna get yourselfs killed. You married a mudblood James.” 

“What the fuck? Where is this blood purists shit coming from?” James growled. 

“I’m just saying, the Potters have always been ‘blood traitors.’ And there are a lot of Blood Purists out there who are not happy with this. Look at the Blacks, look at how crippled their families have become because Andromeda married that Tonks fellow. People aren’t happy with you lot James.” Fleamont knew better than to talk to James like this. But he had to get through to his son in some way, “Think of your grandfather and his friends from the traditional families. People aren’t going to be happy with you. Marrying a Muggleborn. It’s going to get you killed in this war James.” 

“You think I don’t bloody know that? You think I didn’t see Lily almost get crushed to death last week? I know a lot more about this war than you Father. You haven’t faced him.” 

James stewed in disgust, while choosing his next words very carefully. “At least we are doing something. We aren’t wasting our lives away on fucking hair gel.” 

James breathed in then out slowly, trying not to say something he would regret. “If we die, then at least we die knowing we loved each other. Can you really say that about Mum?” 

“James.” Fleamont said slowly. “I love you son, and I 

want the best for you. But I don’t want to see you dead.”

“I’ve made my decision about this war a long time ago. I’m not changing my mind.” James said darkly, his Dad didn’t really know what it felt like to want to give up everything for a girl. He didn’t really love his mother, James wasn’t stupid. “You can’t control me the way you control her. I make my own decisions about my life now.” 

“I know I’m shit for your mother. But James Potter, that woman loves you more than anybody else in this world. What would she do if she were to lose you?” Fleamont reasoned. “Look at how much Lily makes that woman happy. I’m not suggesting you have to leave Lily. I can really see how much she loves you. But you two better find a way out of this. Before more people get hurt.” Fleamont wasn’t willing to give up. 

What Fleamont had failed to mention was how much James' activism had affected his business. Of course James knew this, without the words ever having to be said. Fleamont cared more about his business than anything else in this world. 

“You two have to move on James, get out the country. Get away until the madness gets cleared up. I’ll even give you your inheritance now James. You won’t have to work. You just have to get out.” 

“You can’t just pay off this problem Dad.” James said, “This isn’t Hogwarts.” 

“Please James, you knew the risks. You’ve gotten yourself deep this time.” 

“Why can’t you see that I have grown up? You're just too focused on your status to care about anything else.” 

Fleamont stood silently for a moment, James turned around and made for the door. 

“I care about you James. I don’t want to lose you.” 

“Well you have always had a funny way of showing people you care about them, haven’t you?” James spewed out. He recalled distinctively, when he had walked in on his father and his father’s secretary. 

“I won’t tell you how to live your life, you don’t tell me how to live mine.” 

“I think it’s best you leave for tonight James.” His father spoke vindictively. 

“Say goodnight to Lily for me.” 

James slammed the door to his father's office behind him, and made his way down the long corridor back to the kitchen where Lily sat, giggling along with his mother. 

“You ready to go Lils?” James said once he entered the kitchen. 

Lily quickly took note of his disheveled state, and nodded her head. “Yeah I’ve got to be up early.” 

“Will your father be coming out to say goodbye?” His mother asked, irritation filling her chest. 

“I doubt it. I love you Mum. I’ll keep in touch yeah?” 

“Have a goodnight,” Lily said sweetly, waving her hand sadly at the elder Mrs. Potter. 

*** 

“How bad was it?” Lily asked finally, after receiving nothing but silence from James for the last half hour. They were back home now, getting ready for bed. 

“Just the same old shit. He wants us to leave the country. Says families are getting angry.” James said quickly. 

Lily stood silently for a moment, fully understanding the implications of what he meant. “Come with me,” she said, guiding him from their bedroom into their shared bathroom. He watched as she began to run the water in the tub, removing her bra and moving to help him take off his shirt. 

“We don’t have to do this Lils.” 

“Shh…” 

James left his boxers on, and sat down in the warm water. “I’m sorry I made you leave like that. I know you were having a good time with Mum.”

“Shh…” Lily said, sitting in the water behind James, wrapping her legs around his torso and dropping her and over the top of his shoulders. 

“Listen.” She said finally, “I just want to be with you James. I don’t care what we’re doing as long as I’m with you.” 

“But this isn’t just your fight. You shouldn’t let it tear apart your family.” She finished softly resting her chin on his shoulder

“He’s just mad because our business in the war is affecting his stupid hair business.” He said, he was exhausted. He just wanted to sit in Lily’s arms for the limited time they had together. 

But Lily urged him on, he sighed comfortably against her, and they sat in that tub for close to an hour. James voiced his endless stream of worries to her. 

“I’m not losing you James, and I’m not leaving you for anything.” She whispered in his ear, once he finally finished, allowing a few rough sobs to escape from his lips after recounting the horrifying details of Amsterdam.

“Ever.” She affirmed. 

She truly was the kindest girl he’d ever met. 

*** 

4:00 am

“Prongs. Prongs! wake up!” 

“What?” James whispered, he opened his bedroom door, ready to scream at Sirius for waking him up this early. 

“It’s Moony. Peter found a lead. Let’s go!” 

“What?” 

“We found him.” Sirius said, his eyes gleaming with hope.

“I’m coming.” James said, he went to throw on his coat, and stuffed his wand in his pocket. Readying for battle once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :):):)


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go!

Chapter 4

“Pete!” James shouted across the hallway at him. “What’s going on, you found something?” 

“Yeah. Um yeah, I was at the Leaky Cauldron and overheard some wizards talking about a warehouse in Surrey. Muggles complaining of howling at night.” 

“That’s not a lot to go on Pete.” James said, somewhat dejectedly. “I want to make sure we aren’t walking into somewhere that’s gunna get us killed.” 

“Prongs. It’s something. More than we’ve had in months.” Sirius said hopefully.

Peter shifted anxiously on his feet, taking in the skeptical look on James’ face. He didn’t want to set his friends up for disappointment, but if there was news on Remus, they had to follow it. 

“Okay.” James said, attempting to sound a lot more confident than he felt. “Let me just go tell Lily. Someone should know where we are going.” 

James took off back down their hallway, re-entering his room, where Lily was still curled up in a ball in the middle of their bed. 

“Lils. Hey Lily love…” James said, sitting beside her and gently shaking her shoulder. 

“Hmm?” She hummed softly, failing to open her eyes.

“Peter found something. A lead on Remus.” 

“Really?” 

“We’re leaving now.” 

“James, please make sure you’re careful,” she said, fully awake now with no hope of going back to bed. 

“I will. Love you Lily.” James said, kissing her temple. He skipped from the room, and Lily felt her heart begin to break. 

Getting Remus back would be incredible, but she was worried for James. Not so much that he was going off hunting in the middle of the night, she was used to him leaving, risking his life. They were in a war now, this was their normal. Lily's thoughts spun wildly, she was worried about what would happen to the Marauders if Remus never came back. She couldn’t bear the devastation that James would soon experience. 

There was a hole in their lives without Remus, they all grieved for him in their own ways. 

Lily laid in her bed for just a few more moments, staring at the blinking red of her alarm clock. She couldn’t be alone with her thoughts right now. She got up, and slowly padded her way to the kitchen. She turned on her radio and began to blast music, hoping that would at least drown out her thoughts. She decided that the boys would want to eat when they got home and she scoured through the cabinets hoping to find something edible. 

Of course the cabinets were close to bare, as nobody in this flat seemed to know how to shop. Lily opened one cabinet, and about a hundred used cigarette packs toppled on top of. She groaned, realizing that Sirius had left the surprise for Marlene, knowing her distaste of smoking. Lily decided to leave that mess on the ground, it wasn’t hers to deal with, and she remembered the best comfort food of all. 

Remus’ pancakes.

_ “Bloody hell Lily.” Remus groaned, looking at the mess of food that Lily had just thrown in front of him. “Is this even edible?”  _

_ “They are pancakes dummie!” She cheered joyfully at him.  _

_ “Have you gone mad?” Remus asked, “are you trying to kill me?”  _

_ The pancakes in question were Lily’s invention when she was fifteen, a month before she was to start her 5th year at Hogwarts. It was summer break, and Lily had just begun to process the loss of her mother. Remus had always been a close friend, and he decided to convince James to invite Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas to Potter Manor for one last party before beginning their OWLs. Lily had been reckless, she got way too drunk, and she had a hangover for a week. Her dad made her ‘hangover pancakes.’ Flat pieces of flavorless dough stuffed full of whatever was lying around the kitchen, and topped high with eggs and ham. It was disgusting, but the pancakes definitely worked.  _

_ Lily and Remus were at the end of sixth year now, and she decided to make him ‘hangover pancakes,’ a few days after April’s full moon.  _

_ “Remus.” She said, albeit shyly. “Listen very carefully, I know about you.” _

_ Remus’ heart plummeted through the floor, this was never a good start to any conversation.  _

_ “Hey. Listen to me.” Lily took note of the fact that his skin tone rivaled that of paper, but she continued on nevertheless. “You can’t scare me away Remus. I’m your friend, and as your friend it is my duty to take care of you when you're ill.” She shoved the plate closer to him. “My dad calls them hangover pancakes, and I stuffed them full of chocolate.” _

_ “Lily,” he spoke softly, melting into her words. “How’d you figure it out?”  _

_ “It wasn’t hard Remus. You’re sick every full moon, and the Marauders openly call you Mooney.” She laughed it off as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  _

_ But Lily was kinder than what was deemed normal, Remus had reminded himself. That morning he basked in the friendship that Lily had offered.  _

Lily smiled at the memory, the pancakes have now been deemed as ‘Remus Pancakes.’ Decidedly, this was the best thing to make, weather or not Remus would be sitting with them in the morning. She grabbed her coat and joyfully skipped down to the drug store across the street. 

*** 

Two metal trash cans slammed to the ground, as Sirius began violently kicking them down the street. “Fuck!” He screamed into the starless sky. 

James sat on the curb of the sidewalk, sucking down cigarette after cigarette. 

Peter quietly leaned up against the abandoned building, praying that his friends would forgive him for leading them astray. 

“Let’s just go get sloshed.” Sirius said finally. After another half hour of silence, the three Marauders had been sitting in the cold street. 

“There’s other factories and warehouses in Surrey. Maybe Peter heard it wrong?” James said. 

“I don’t want to be disappointed again. Let’s just go.” Sirius spat out fiercely. 

“Padfoot’s right. Let’s just get out of here.” Peter said. 

“It’s almost 5 am Sirius, where we gunna go?” 

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and walked silently down the street. Peter followed behind him, slowly. And James felt defeated. He stamped out his last cigarette and followed Sirius down the dark street off to get sloshed. 

***

“Merlins beard it’s almost 5:30 in the morning.” 

“Yes.”

“Where’s the boys?”

“Off to find Remus.” 

This took Marlene’s attention, she had awoken to the ferocious sounds of music in the kitchen and decided to follow the noise. To her surprise though, it was actually Lily, covered in pancake batter, making the chaos in the kitchen. “They’re what?” Marlene sighed deeply, plopping herself down in the chair. 

“Peter has a lead I guess. Woke James up. I haven’t been able to go back to sleep.” 

“Do you think they’ll find him?” Marlene asked, her usually fiery personality disappeared under the weight of the conversation. 

“Christ.” Lily said, dropping her spoon against the counter. She sat on the floor, leaning against the fridge and pulling her knees tightly to her chest. “I fucking hope so.” 

They sat like that for a while, in an uncomfortable silence. So much had needed to be said but neither of them were willing to start the conversation. 

The two friends very rarely found it difficult to chat, as both girls were quite content with not sharing their feelings. They had always found other mindless things to distract them for the horribleness of the world. Marlene had four other brothers, and had insisted Lily become the sister she had always wanted after they were paired together in potions class on their first day at Hogwarts. They had been immaculately tight ever since. Being that close of course, they knew when the other was losing it. 

This was one of those nights. Except that this time it wasn’t just one girl falling apart and the other girl picking up the pieces. They both fell apart in the kitchen in the early hours of that morning. 

“So you were making pancakes huh?” Marlene had sat, growing bored of the silence. The unsaid word danced in the air over them, almost sickeningly. They were Remus’s pancakes. 

“It’s silly.” Lily mumbled against her knees, “I just thought it would be nice. If you know.”

“He came home?” 

“Yeah,” Lily replied sadly. “But that’s life, we just have to keep moving forward don’t we?” 

Marlene frowned deeply, and moved to sit next to Lily on the floor. “Moving forward. That’s funny Mrs.Potter.” 

“I’m afraid of what will happen. To Sirius.” Marlene began, and Lily looked up at her curiously. “If Remus doesn’t come back.”

“I was thinking the same thing about James earlier.” Lily admitted. “All of us. I mean losing Dorky was one thing. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to recover from that. But Remus has missed so much already you know?” 

“Do you think he even knows about Dorky?” Marlene asked. 

“He saw her get shot down.” Lily said suddenly, the horrible memory of that night flooding back to both of them. The stunning green light that launched across the room and stunned her sweet friend in the back. 

“Poor moony. He doesn’t even know you got married.” 

“Oh he’ll be so heartbroken that he missed it.” Lily said, allowing once again for tears to fall freely from her eyes. She hasn’t been able to fully process the events that happened this past week. Truly it hadn’t even been a full week since the attack in Amsterdam. She hadn’t given any thought to the consequences of her decisions, after facing Voldemort. “He’s always talked about teaching, he doesn’t even know about my job.” 

They sat in silence again, watching the sun rise through the window. 

“Marls?” 

“Hm?” 

“I don’t want anyone else to miss out on anything.” Lily said suddenly, “I’m so scared I’m going to lose one of you guys.” 

“I am too.” 

“Do you ever think about what life will be like when the war’s over?” Marlene asked.

“Not really.” 

“I think I want to be a healer.” Marlene said, and Lily looked at her in bewilderment. The blonde had never even spoken of a plan past Hogwarts. “I think I’d be good at it. Fixing people.” 

“You are very good at fixing people.” Lily agreed, laughing slightly. Lily truly wouldn’t be where she was today if Marlene hadn’t been there to fix so many messy parts of her life.

“I don’t know. Alice has kind of gotten me in with some of the other Order members who are healers. And I’m really catching onto some of the stuff.” 

“I think that would be absolutely splendid.” Lily smiled fully now at her friend. 

Marlene McKinnon had two sides to her. The more prevalent side, the scary, fiery side; that made most people terrified to go near the girl. But she also had the ‘Lily side’ as she had called it once, an unbelievably loyal and compassionate side. The perfect combination to make an absolutely splendid Healer. 

“What about you? Do you think about life after the war?” 

“No.” Lily said firmly, “There’s no point, I know that sounds rather pessimistic.” 

“Yes. Very unlike you.” Marlene said uncomfortably, this was a side to Lily that she hated seeing. A side that Marlene was afraid she would never be able to fix.

“There’s just so much death around us,” and that was the only explanation that Lily had willed to offer up. 

It seemed like a joke really. A truly cruel joke that the world would play on her the moment she had voiced out loud the pessimism she felt that night. But of course this was the life of Lily, one cruel joke after another. 

The patronus that had appeared in their kitchen was tiny, a fluffy little rabbit. Lily’s heart plummeted the moment she recognized it was that of Euphemia Potter’s. 

“Fleamont’s gone. Come quick.” The voice echoed heavily throughout the thin walls, and Lily went to autopilot, springing into action. 

***

The bright halls of Potter Manor were as silent as ever, almost eerily so as James rushed through the foyer. 

“Oh Master James.” Willie, the house elf was first to greet him. The poor house elf looked on at him tearfully. “We were so worried for you.” 

“What’s going on Willie?” Sirius asked tenderly, taking in the elf’s mournful appearance. 

“Come with me.” Willie had said, walking down the wide hallway and towards the sitting room. 

James was certain he was walking towards some kind of death; ever since Lily’s patronus had reached him at the muggle pub he was at just minutes before apparating to his childhood home, the only thoughts that plagued his mind were tragic. 

They walked into the sitting room apprehensively, and was immediately met with a grim Auror standing in front of him. 

“James Potter?” The Auror asked, James couldn’t find it in him to respond. He almost vomited in relief at the sight of Lily and his mother sitting on the love seat across from Alastor Moody and Frank Longbottom, Lily’s arm tightly around the elder Mrs. Potter. 

“James!” Lily flew to him across the room. She threw her arms around him and kissed him harder than she had ever kissed him before. “Oh you’re here. I was so scared.” She cried into his chest and wrapped his arms around her. 

“Of course I’m here love.” 

She pulled away from him, and grabbed his hands. “I’m so sorry James.” 

“What’s happening Lily?” Sirius asked urgently. 

“Let’s go have a seat.” Marlene had now joined them, carrying a fresh pot of tea. 

James never let go of Lily, his arm around her waist as she guided him to sit down. 

His Mother stood up immediately, enveloping James and Lily in a deep hug. James felt his heart begin to break as he took in the Euphemia’s appearance. Tears stained her cheeks, and she looked more grey than a ghost. 

James knew. No words had to be said, his father’s absence from the room spoke volumes. 

“What happened?” He spoke clearly, as his mother released him and reached for Sirius. 

“Oh he’s gone James. He’s gone.” His mother cried out. 

James stood silently, funnily enough he didn’t really feel sad. He heard lots of noises; his mother crying, Auror’s rushing around the room. He felt a little faint, and leaned on Lily some more, balling up the hem of her shirt in his fists. 

“What happened?” Sirius repeated, his arms still tightly wrapped around Euphemia. 

“They were here.” Euphemia had said simply, without an ounce of fear in her voice. 

They sat down on the plush, underused furniture, and Moody began to retell the story. The death eaters had descended upon Potter Manor in the early hours of that morning, and they had come for one purpose only. They murdered Fleamont in his sleep. 

“I wasn’t there.” She supplied, James knew this of course, his parents haven’t shared a room sense before James first went off to Hogwarts. 

“I heard the commotion and tried to send you a patronus.” She continued explaining, James admired his mother really, she seemed stronger than every single person in that room. “But you didn’t respond, I sent a message to the aurors that the house was being attacked. They were gone when I found him. There was no damage, he was just dead.” 

“Then she sent me a patronus. We came here as soon as we got it.” Lily said quietly. 

“Potter where were you?” Moody asked gruffly. 

“We were so scared when you weren't responding to us.” Lily spoke slowly. She and Marlene silently agreed not to bring up to the Auror’s that the Marauders were off searching for Remus.

“A pub in Surrey.” Sirius offered sadly. “We should have fucking been here.” He directed a watery frown towards Euphemia, and spoke much softer. “I’m so sorry.” 

“There wasn’t anything that could have been done. There wasn’t a fight.” Moody said. 

The hours passed, and James hadn’t let go of Lily once. They sat with his mother all day and night, Lily offering any support she could muster. Eventually Marlene left to go find Peter, as he had separated from James and Sirius long before they ever left the pub. The house flooded in and out with mourners, old friends that had passed through with casseroles and condolences. James had been silent the entire time, guilt and relief dueling for a place in his head. 

James and Lily had stayed the night, although it had been a restless one. By the next evening they were home and sitting across from each other at their kitchen table, untouched leftovers sitting on plates in front of them. 

James had mindlessly been flipping through a Muggle magazine, and Lily silently picked at her food. It was left unsaid, but they were entirely thankful for the quiet. 

“What happened with Remus?” She asked him finally, with so much going on they hadn’t had a chance to actually speak about that night. 

James shrugged his shoulders sadly, “It was a dud. The lead.” 

Lily frowned into the palm over her hand, and reached her other arm across the table to hold James' hand. 

“Life’s such a bitch.” James mused, rubbing his thumb across her palm. 

“Heh yeah.” 

“Are you doing alright?” He asked her sincerely, meeting her eyes for the first time in over a day. 

“I’ll be alright. I’m just worried about you.” 

“I think I’m in shock.” He said, finally voicing his thoughts out to her. “I’ll be okay though. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” 

“I’ll be here when you’re ready.” 

“I know.” He said, squeezing her hand lightly. “I do need a shower though.” 

“You mind if I join?” She stood up with him. 

“Really?” He smiled at her a little, “we’ve been married what five days? You have to ask that?” 

***

_ The sticky summer air stung to James neck as he lightly knocked on the door to Lily’s childhood home. It was July 1977 and minutes prior James had received an owl from Lily. The parchment was tear stained and he could barely make out the letters, and on a whim he had decided to visit her instead of writing. Something was wrong, he knew that much. He apparated to her front porch, heart thumping wildly he overheard shrill shouting from inside the home.  _

_ A plump woman answered the door, and James immediately recognized her as one of the awful Dursley’s. He had never met her before but the large size of the woman, and the redness in her pug like face said it all.  _

_ “And who are you?” Marge Dursley asked impatiently.  _

_ “Erm. James mam. Lily’s ahh. ...friend.” James tried his best to sound confident, but he stuttered as he spoke, unsure how to describe who exactly he was to Lily.  _

_ “Well you better get the girl out of hear before my dear brother has an aneurysm. They have been shouting all morning.” She seemed annoyed, yet stepped aside to allow James into the small foyer of the Evans house.  _

_ He had been here before of course, it was only the previous September, the start of their sixth year, that Lily had decided to befriend James Potter. He had spent an evening here over Christmas holiday, meeting both her father, her sister and her sister’s fiancé. He had grown a much deeper respect for Lily after realizing how much of a twat her sister really was.  _

_ “Erm, I’ll just be going to Lily then.” He said uncomfortably, trying to step past her.  _

_ “You lot better get out quick, that little bitch has caused more than enough trouble today.”  _

_ “Oi!” He yelled at her as she turned her back away from him. His heart sunk at his realization of how terribly Lily was being treated in her own home. She rarely talked about life with her sister, but from what James gathered over the past year, Petunia was a right bitch.  _

_ He sighed deeply and began to ascend the stairs. He heard crying and a rough deep voice coming from Petunia’s room, and rolled his eyes at the never-ending drama that Petunia had seemed to stir up.  _

_ James came to the door of Lily’s childhood bedroom, admiring the bright pink letters of her name stapled onto the light wood of the door, and apprehensively knocked.  _

_ “Bloody hell. Leave us alone, we are leaving soon.” An angry voice carried through the door. That was Marlene, his curiosity overtook his politeness and he opened the door carefully.  _

_ The sight of her room itself was pretty shocking, the covers on Lily’s bed were ripped off the bed and her clothes were haphazardly thrown around. Lily’s trunk was wide open, books sitting carelessly inside, and there were several other large bags sitting on the floor. The more concerning sight for James though; was the massive holes that seemed to now litter her floral walls, and Lily sitting in the middle of her floor, knees brought up to her chest, a cigarette loosely between her fingers, and her bright red locks draped messily over hardened face.  _

_ “Oh thank Merlin!” Marlene said, dropping a stack of parchment into the open trunk, and running over to embrace James in a quick hug.  _

_ “What the hell is going on?” He asked quickly, concern for Lily clouding all thoughts.  _

_ “Come with me.” Marlene said, ushering him back out the door.  _

_ “I was going to owl you when we got back to my house.” She whispered, “I just got here.”  _

_ “She sent me an owl but the letter was a mess. I figured I’d pop in to see if everything was okay.” James said back.  _

_ “No everything is not bloody okay.” Marlene snapped at him dangerously, and his face fell. “Sorry. Sorry. I just can’t believe Petunia. It’s taken everything in me to not beat the life out of her.”  _

_ James' face then warped into one of curiosity once again.  _

_ “Lily’s father passed away yesterday morning.” Marlene explained quietly. “Apparently the house belongs to Petunia now and the cunt is kicking Lily out today.”  _

_ “What the fuck?” James blurted out loudly.  _

_ “I know. I know.” Marlene said, running a hand through her frizzy hair. “From what I have gathered they had a massive row this morning. Lily sent me a patronus but it didn’t say anything. I was worried about death eaters or Snape or something, so I floo’ed right over. She hasn’t said much.”  _

_ James stood still, his mouth hanging open in shock, and Marlene continued.  _

_ “I got here and Lily was a hysterical mess trying to pack her bags. She’s gonna come stay with me for now. But then Vernon came into her room and verbally assaulted her like I’ve never heard before. And Lily has been sitting like that ever since.” Marlene finished exasperated.  _

_ “Fuck.” James’ mind spinning a mile a minute. “Okay uh. She needs to get out now. I’ll take her side-along to yours. Can you finish up here? Padfoot is back at my place I can get him to come help.” James stopped for a second, “You might need him if Vernon is going off like this.”  _

_ “Yes, yes. I’ll send him a patronus. You go get Lily up.”  _

_ “No here take this.” James pulled out his mirror and handed it to Marlene. “Just say his name and he’ll appear.”  _

_ “Take her to mine, she can go to my room. Tell my Mum that I’ll be home soon to explain.” And with that she steered off down the hall towards the bathroom, and James turned back to Lily’s room.  _

_ “Lils?” He asked quietly standing behind her.  _

_ No response.  _

_ He walked over to her and crouched down, gently taking her shoulders in his hands. “Lily?”  _

_ She looked up at him, her stony expression morphing into something revealing deep agony.  _

_ She dropped her cigarette and allowed herself to sink into James’ touch, and he enveloped her into a deep hug.  _

_ “Let’s go okay? I’ll take you. Marlene will finish getting your things.” He whispered into her hair softly.  _

_ She shook her head slowly and began to get up. She wore nothing but a pair of lacy underwear and a large white tee shirt that James knew to be his. Any other time he would have jumped her immediately, but not now.  _

_ “Can you get dressed?” He asked.  _

_ She shook her head no, her eyes focused on one of the larger holes in the wall. He took note of the fact that her fist was turning into an angry purple color, and realized she must have punched the wall. By the way she carefully cradled her hand, he was certain it was broken.  _

_ He walked around the side of her bed and found a pair of plaid pajama shorts and a gray jumper. “Come on. Sit down. I’ll help you.”  _

_ She sat gently on the mattress, and James came over, lifting one of her legs and began to pull her shorts on. He lifted her arms and tenderly tugged the sleeves of the jumper onto them, pulling it down over her head. His heart broke, taking in the extent of the broken girl in front of him. She seemed paler than he had ever seen her before, and her sparkling green eyes lost all warmth. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, deciding to apparate to the first place that popped into his mind.  _

_ “This isn’t Marlene’s house.” Lily said finally, plopping down into the grassy knoll that James had taken her too.  _

_ “It’s a garden. Not sure where exactly.” James said, sitting beside her. “We’ll go to Marls in a second.”  _

_ Lily sighed deeply and leaned her head on his shoulder as he draped his arm around her back.  _

_ “Dads gone.” She said sadly. _

_ James wasn’t surprised by this, Robert Evans has been sick for a while now. It was the drink that got him, he had always been a heavy drinker, and his liver could not withstand his lifestyle.  _

_ “I’m so sorry Lily.”  _

_ “And Tuney.” Lily began, her voice beginning to drip with anger, “she’s just such a…”  _

_ “Bitch?” James supplied.  _

_ At this point it was like a dam broke, and Lily began to sob hysterically. James moved to hug her closely, his shirt growing wet with her tears.  _

_ “I’ve got no family left.” Lily said finally between sobs.  _

_ “Shh.” He rubbed his hand carefully around her back. “You’ve got me.”  _

***

The following weeks passed without trouble, seemingly for the first time in months, and James had barely spoken a word of his father’s death. 

The death of the wealthy old wizard instilled a much deeper fear amongst the wizarding world. Death Eaters had simply strutted into Potter Manor, and took out a powerful man with a simple flick of the wand. It was sickening how much scarier everything had seemed, how endless the threat of death was. 

The funeral of Fleamont Potter passed quickly, with what Lily presumed to be half of England in attendance. The early November air was frigid against their skin, and it seemed silly to attempt to lighten the mood with a warming charm. 

James stood still, his face hardened and his touch unaffectionate. His mother was sitting in a chair next to him, and Sirius was standing on the other side of her, with his hand sitting gracefully on her shoulder. 

Lily didn’t know what to think of the event, she couldn’t bear to listen to the words that Albus Dumbledore had spoken of the elder Potter’s courage and success. Lily hated that her husband had to listen to those words, knowing full well that his childhood was filled with emotional neglect and cold hearted fights. 

Fleamont Potter was indeed a great man; he was a brilliant wizard, a fierce believer in blood equality, and a warming friend. But that greatness did not extend to his family, he grew angrier with age, choosing to lavish his wife and son with money rather than affection. 

The ceremony had ended and the crowd dispersed, James and Lily being the first to leave. 

They apparated to Potter Manor, expecting to see a house full of mourners. Yet they were met with an uncomfortable silence and an unenthusiastic greeting from Willie. 

Sirius soon appeared sauntering off to the kitchen to find a snack.

Euphemia Potter was the last to arrive, Lily noticed she looked lighter than she had in weeks. Almost as if she released a breath she had been holding since that night. 

“You doing alright Mum?” James asked, hugging her tightly once she settled down in the sitting room. 

“Oh I’ll live.” She said simply, the grief that clouded her thoughts seemed to have disappeared completely. “I think I’m ready to do something new.” She said with a small smile. 

James knew all too well what she had been referring too, his father had a strong hold on her, the control he radiated throughout the halls of Potter Manor for all those years seemed to have weighed fully on Euphemia. 

“What do you have planned?” Lily asked cautiously. 

“Well.” Euphemia began, “Well Sirius should be here as well. Where is he?” 

James bellowed down the long hallway for Sirius, and he came clambering into the sitting room with a bowl of noodles in one hand and a large glass of what James presumed to be alcoholic, in another. 

“What’s up?” He threw one of his genuine smirks at the group. 

“Mum wants a chat.” James said. He moved to sit next to Lily, and motioned for Euphemia to begin speaking. 

“Well. I think I’m going to get out of the country a bit.” She said. 

“What?” 

“Yes, I think I’ll go to Paris for a bit. Work on my paintings.” She said confidently. 

Lily was the first to speak, as James and Sirius were too shocked to actually formulate words. “I think that sounds wonderful.” She had spoken encouragingly. 

“When will you be back?” James asked her firmly. 

“Oh I’m not sure, I know the holidays are coming up. But they are always so stressed up aren’t they? I think I’d much rather like to be alone this year.” 

James felt sick, thinking of his mother holed up somewhere in Paris, alone on Christmas. 

“But Mum.” James began apprehensively. 

“But nothing James. I have spent far too long pent up in this old house with that angry man. I’m going to do something I want to for once.” 

She ended with that, and the discussion stopped there. 

She had surprised them even further, announcing she was going to leave that night. Apparently her bags were already at the home she would be residing in, she had just wanted to say her goodbyes. 

Euphemia gave one final salute after a tearful goodbye, and took off in their fireplace. Leaving nothing but dust and confusion in her wake. 

“Well.” Lily began slowly, “she’ll be safer out of the country that’s for sure.” 

James looked at her sadly, remembering the day that Lily’s own father had passed away, and the chaos that followed. He told her she could become part of his family, that  _ The Potters don’t have any gingers, you will fit in splendidly.  _ They hadn’t even been dating at that point, just dangerously toying with each other’s emotions. Funnily enough eventually she did become a Potter, but the family that James was so desperate to share with her seemed to be disappearing right in front of them. 

“You have a point.” Sirius agreed. “The rest of the world hasn’t gone mad. Just us brits.” 

James plopped down on the sofa in an irritated huff, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. Lily had a point, he wouldn’t have to worry over his mother’s safety if she wasn’t in the line of fire. But still, she had left so suddenly James didn’t know what to make of it. 

So he stewed. 

Sirius handed James and Lily a glass of something alcoholic and sat across from them, laughing while he took note of James frustrated expression. 

“Life isn’t what we thought it would be huh?” 

“I’ll drink to that.” James said, taking in a large swing of his drink. 

“It’s insane really. Five years ago did you ever think I would be here? Any of us?” Lily said after a long pause. 

“Five years ago, James would have been happy if you had just looked at him.” 

“We were kids.” James said rolling his eyes, “Bloody thirteen year olds.” 

Lily finished off her drink and set it down on the table, bringing her knees up to her chest, and contently placed her chin on top of them. “It’s weird. In the muggle world, you really never stop being a kid. Most muggles live at home with their parents even after they’ve graduated from Uni. They get married and get jobs and then begin adulthood. I feel like we’ve all skipped that and jumped right into being adults in the blink of an eye.” 

“To be fair bug,” Sirius began, “That is usually how it is supposed to work in the wizarding world. We went from school to joining a secret army.” 

“Nah, I grew up even before leaving Hogwarts.” James added. 

“And we are all thankful for that.” Lily grinned at him mischievously. 

“Well you had to James. You were about to be bloody expelled.” Sirius reminded him. 

“Wanker I was not.” James attempt at defending himself was thwarted by Sirius’ intent on bringing up the past. 

“Bullocks James. You sent half the Slytherins in the hospital wing for a week.” Sirius countered. The incident that he had been referring to was at the end of fifth year, when James had charmed all of the breakfast food that sat on Slytherin house table, resulting in a horrendous outbreak of food poisoning. 

“Some of them even missed their OWLs.” Lily laughed, of course when this first happened she had been furious and refused to talk to him for a week. Today though, she would happily admit that most of them deserved it. “McGonagall was bloody furious, I swear she almost tore your ear off dragging you to Dumbledore’s office.” 

“When good old Minerva brought up expulsion, my dad about had a heart attack. The old git.” James laughed genuinely, for seemingly the first time in weeks. “But then bloody Dumbledore made me quidditch Captain. Said if I don’t get it together, Gryffindor has no chance at the house cup.”

“Merlin you knew how to piss off your dad. Remember your first night at Hogwarts?” Sirius cackled, attempting to retell the story. “Bug I don’t think you heard this one. It’s ridiculous, Fleamont had packed a second bag for James. Honestly it was even bigger than his trunk.” 

“Christ, how did he ever even manage that? I thought students were only allowed one trunk.” Lily asked.

“Oh they are. But dad had lots of money.” James replied. 

“Anyway James opens up this fucking bag, and about a hundred bottles of hair potion spill out all over the floor.” Sirius laughed. “We all weren’t comfortable enough with each other yet, we had only met that morning. And we didn’t know what to make of this kid with all this bloody hair potion we thought it was a prank.” 

“Nah dad was just being a prick.” 

“Well, Prongsy decided to try his hand out at magic and lit the whole bunch of them on fire. Burning down his bed in the process.” Sirius was rolling in his chair laughing, “I was thrilled obviously, that I had an arsonist as a roommate.” 

“Naturally.” 

“Poor Moony,” Sirius said, “he was so stressed out that night when the prefects came in and started screaming at us.” 

“Pete was downright terrified.” 

“Oh yeah I have heard this story. They use to tell it at the Prefect meetings. The story of the first year who lit his room on fire the first night.” Lily hadn’t laughed this hard in a while, and James smiled proudly. “Merlin why would you ever become friends with this boy?” 

“Why’d you marry him?” Sirius quipped. 

“He doesn’t light beds on fire anymore.” 

“I could.” James grinned, “don’t tempt me Lils. Although, we could light it on fire in other ways.” 

“Oh bugger.” 

“Please do tell Prongs.” Sirius said, “I haven’t been shagged in weeks, I would be happy to hear this.” 

“That’s a lie.” James said quickly. 

“Oi that’s enough. I know you and James talk about our sex life, but that’s not happening while I’m in the room.” 

“Besides we heard you and Marlene going at it a few days ago.” James said, rolling his eyes. “You wanna talk about shagging, go talk about it with her.” 

Lily stuck out her tongue at Sirius, “It’s getting late. We all have to be up early tomorrow for the order meeting.” She reminded them. 

“Ah yes. Lily wants me to leave so you can shag in peace.” 

James threw a pillow at him, which Sirius had caught and in turn threw back at James. 

“Oh Merlin.” Lily laughed as she watched the two brothers begin to wrestle, after James stood up and lunged at Sirius. 

After a while, Sirius stood up and patted James on the shoulder. “You two gonna stay here tonight?” 

“I think so yeah.” James said, looking at Lily for surety. 

“Well I’ll be off then.” Sirius said, he looked at them more seriously and spoke softer this time, “Will you be alright?” 

“I’m good man.” James said, and Lily genuinely believed him for once. 

“Alright then be safe. Use protection.” He said with a wink and disappeared with a loud crack. 

Lily was shaking her head when James turned around, grabbing her hand and standing her up. “I’m famished love. We haven’t had dinner yet.” He said, remembering it was now well past ten pm. 

“Go have a seat, I’ll cook you something.” Lily said, turning towards the kitchen. 

“Oh no no. I need to stay busy. Let’s cook together.” 

“Hmpf. That’s awfully domestic of you.” She grinned at him, glad to have the normal, goofy James beside her. 

“Well I’m a married man now. Gotta be domestic sometime.” He smiled at her, kissing her temple. 

They had decided on chicken Alfredo, something James had never even heard of but fell in love with the first time Lily had prepared it for him years ago. Lily pulled together the ingredients while James poured her a glass of wine and they went to work. The radio blared throughout the kitchen and James happily twirled Lily around to the music, in between stirring the Alfredo sauce and chopping vegetables. 

Eventually Lily found herself sitting on the counter, her legs dangling off the side as James ended up doing most of the work, with firm instructions from her. She felt guilty for feeling this happy, it didn’t feel right, allowing herself to live contently in the moment with her husband while a war raged outside of Potter Manor. They just buried his father that morning, and it didn’t feel fair that they got to just live their lives while so many around them were dying.

Her mind went to Remus, and the images that produced in her mind were nightmarish. He wasn’t dead, Lily knew that much, she would feel it if he left them. But that didn’t stop the guilt from gnawing at her, if anything the fact that Remus was alive, and held up in a dungeon somewhere made it worse. 

She attempted to mask her frown, with another big gulp of wine. 

“Alright Lil?” James asked. She shivered at how well he knew her; his back was facing her, he didn’t even see her frown. 

“Are you alright?” She asked back. 

Avoidance, James knew better to push her if she was avoiding talking about something.

He turned around, carrying the pot of Alfredo noodles to the counter where she sat and began to dish it out onto separate plates. 

“Honestly? I’m doing a lot better than I would have ever thought.” He said, “I’m happy Mum is going to do something she wants to do. It makes it easier to move on.” 

“I’m glad, I was starting to worry, you know.” She said, pulling her plate into her lap and picking up a fork. James leaned on the side of the counter next to her, taking a large bite of his dinner. “You haven’t talked about it much.” 

“I mean there’s not much to say really.” James said, “I just don’t want to think about it.” 

Lily knew he felt guilty, the last conversation he ever had with his father was a row. He hadn’t voiced it to her yet, but they both knew it was there. 

“I felt so terrible after my dad died.” She said slowly, James looked at her in surprise, she rarely talked about her father's death as the memory of those days were too traumatic to dwell on. “All Tuney and I did for weeks that summer was row. That was his last memory of his daughters. Fucking fighting with each other.” 

James grabbed her hand, attempting to meet her eyes, “You made those following weeks so much more bearable. Some of the best of my life actually. And I felt so terrible because I felt like I didn’t deserve to feel good you know?” 

“I guess what I’m trying to get at is, even though you had a rough time with him before he passed, doesn’t mean you have to feel bad about feeling okay after he’s gone.” 

“Some people just make it so bloody hard to love them.” He said finally, soaking in her words. “You make it easy though.” He placed a gentle kiss on her lips. 

She made a face after he pulled away, “That was too gushy. Even for you.” She laughed. 

“You’re right. But it’s also true so I’ll own up to the gushiness for tonight.” He shrugged, turning back to his plate. 

“Well.” She said somewhat amused, “if you’re gonna own up to it, and I have to deal with the embarrassment of it, you might as well owe me.” 

“Owe you?” His eyebrow quirked up in playful suspicion. He moved his hand so it sat dangerously high on her thigh, and she moved her leg out so she could wrap it around James’ torso. 

“Oh well I think you have an idea, you know. Given how gushy and loving you can be.” 

“Well let’s go upstairs then, there’s about a hundred rooms in this place.” 

“Here.” She said seductively in his ear. 

“Here?” 

“Right now.” 

“In my parents kitchen?” 

“I’ve always wanted to do it in a kitchen. You know. Domesticity and all.”

“Ah.” He said, pushing his unfinished plate aside and wrapping his arms around her, “like a proper married couple then.” 

“Eh, not properly married until we are in our own kitchen, without the threat of flat mates walking in on us.” 

“Someday. Soon.” He said planting another kiss on her neck, “I promise.” 

“I’ll hold you to it.” She said throwing her head back, “I’m really liking this whole domestic thing. It suits us.” 

“It suits you. You make a wonderful wife.” 

“Okay that was even gushier than before. You owe me double now.” 

He laughed at that, and happily obliged. 


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have epically failed at keeping up with updates recently. School and work have exploded my life into a general case, I had a real bad case of writer's block for a while, and general depression nonsense. BUT despite all of that i am back, and I will keep at t with this story. Covid has once again forced me into unemployment and I have tons of time to focus on my writing.   
> This chapter was a doozy, over 20 pages on my google docs page, and lots of jily content. I hope you all enjoy :)

December came faster than ever before, and soon Christmas was fully on the mind of Lily Potter. Of course, Lily being who she was, the girl was fully unprepared for the holiday. Albeit for the past four weeks Lily had been spearheading Order missions to bring Muggle refugees into the Projects, and had very little time for anything else. 

The Christmas cheer had finally hit her on the morning of the 20th, when she witnessed Marlene and Sirius attempting to drag a ten foot pine tree into their flat. 

She froze in fear, after realizing she had yet to get any of her friends Christmas presents, and that she only had 5 days left to do so. She said so to James that night, when she began asking him what he planned on gifting to Sirius. 

“Not a clue.”

“Well how about we go in on a gift together?” She asked apprehensively, knowing full well that if James got to choose the gifts, all she had to do was sign her name on the card, and her stress would disappear. 

“That seems so couple-y” He said with a grin. 

“It’s what married people are supposed to do.” She reminded him. “Frank and Alice do it.” 

“Well seems easy enough.” He quickly rose from the bed, and sat down at Lily’s desk, pulling out a piece of parchment and some paper. 

Lily walked over, took in the sight of the clutter on top of her desk, and sighed deeply. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a pig.” She said to him sadly. 

“I can help you get organized this weekend.” James said thoughtfully, knowing full well he would be doing the work. 

“You don’t have to. I’m an adult and I should be able to just clean up after myself.” 

This had always been a struggle for Lily, ever since she was little she lived in clutter and chaos. It was how her parents kept their home. Clothes, books and knick knacks scattered mindlessly throughout the Evans household. Petunia hated this, she had always worked to keep her room meticulously clean, and bore grave judgement on Lily for not being able to do the same. As Lily grew older, and began sharing a dormitory with the other Gryffindor girls, she worked to keep her mess completely to herself. To this day, Marlene still rants about the year that Lily had piled all her clothes on her bed and would kick them to the side when she slept, as a sort of nest. 

By seventh year, when she became Head Girl and was forced to share a private common room with the Head Boy, she had given up on keeping herself organized. Trusting James enough to keep his judgments to himself. Of course, James being the neurotic organizer that he is, did not take to this kindly and this had resulted in one of the greatest rows that they ever had. Lily didn’t speak to him for a week, and James accepted the fact that if Lily was going to be a significant part of his life, he would just have to pick up after her. He told her he would help her organize herself, which did work for a few days. Until Lily seeped back into her old habits, finding her clutter to be comforting in the wake of her Father’s death, and James eventually agreed to ‘organized clutter.’ 

Lily took another shameful look at her desk, and decided that was a problem for another day. She quickly swiped her things off the desk, scattering them across the floor, and plopped down onto the desk. 

“Well that’s one way to deal with the problem.” James muttered bemusedly. She flicked him in the temple, and peered down to see what he scratched into the parchment. 

“Okay let’s just deal with this tonight. Do you have anything in mind for Sirius?” She asked. 

“Maybe a bottle of fire whiskey. That’s usually what we gift each other anyway.” 

“That seems boring. Gifts have to mean something James.” 

“I really only care about what I give you honestly.” 

“Speaking of which.” She grinned, hoping he would drop a hint or two of what she should expect Christmas morning. James’ gifts to her were always overwhelmingly extravagant. 

“Not a chance love.” He said quickly. 

“Okay, okay back to Sirius. I kind of have an idea, but you’re going to think it’s ridiculous.” 

“Most things you say are ridiculous.” He grinned at her, this earned a swat at his shoulder. 

“Tosser. Listen anyways. It’s a muggle thing of sorts.” 

“Would he know how to use it?” 

“I’m sure he could figure it out.” Lily grinned mischievously, “have you heard of pot?” 

“Surprisingly yes. And actually Sirius has always wanted to try it.” James smiled, the Lily from three years ago would have never even dreamed of gifting drugs to someone. He has truly corrupted her. 

“Well I may have access to some. Do you think that would be a good idea?” 

“How the sodding hell do you have access to drugs?” He said astoundedly. 

“I spent my summers in a muggle hell hole of family drama. Of course I have access to pot.” She explained with a soft smile.

“Have… have you tried it?” 

“Duh.” 

“Well how is it then?” 

“Bloody spectacular.” 

“Okay so pot for Sirius.” He laughed, writing it down. “And some extra for us.” 

“You’ll have to come with me to get it. The bloke I know who sells it will only sell to men.” 

“Misogynistic bastard. Although I’d love to meet your drug dealer.” James said, raising his eyebrows. 

They continued their work, joking about inappropriate gifts for Marlene. Eventually deciding that a gift certificate to a muggle sex shop would be the best idea for their rambounceous friend. Peter was easy, he would receive a large bag of sweets. 

James began to feel uneasy, thinking of what to give to his mother, and gloomily reminded himself that this would be his first Christmas without her. Lily suggested an expensive set of paints and paint brushes, and that they could maybe pop into her Paris flat for a Christmas tea. 

“Oh she would love that.” He said happily. 

Lily secretly decided she would buy a bottle of chocolate liquor for Remus once he returned. 

They went to bed that night, smiling and laughing with each other as they rolled around in the dark red sheets, both seemingly happier than they had felt in a long time. The war was outside of the home they shared with their friends, but the inklings of Christmas cheer radiated through their flat. 

*** 

“Oh Lily that is just the most romantic thing ever.” 

“Oh shove it.” Lily said bashfully. 

She and Alice had just exited a London travel agency, and now found themselves thrown into the chaos of last minute holiday shopping on London’s busiest street. Alice held Lily tightly, both for warmth and to ensure the girls didn’t separate from each other as they walked down the street. 

They made their way into a rough looking, although very empty diner, for lunch. Both silently thankful to have separated themselves from the large crowd. 

“So you and James have big plans for the holidays?” Alice asked, once they were seated at a small booth, with steaming mugs of coffee satisfying their need for warmth. 

“Just the Christmas party tomorrow.” Lily shrugged, she knew the holidays were going to be a quiet affair between the two of them. “It’s a shame you all can’t come.” 

“Ah well. Family duties and all that. We plan to tell Frank’s mother about the baby on Christmas.” Alice said, placing a gentle hand on her stomach. 

“What’s it like?” Lily asked casually, “being pregnant?”

“Pretty rough the first few months, but it’s worth it. Frank seems like he’s walking on air nowadays.” 

Lily took in the girl's appearance as she sat across from her. Her normally thin face seemed much fuller, and her skin was practically glowing. Lily allowed herself to think, for just a moment, if the effects of pregnancy would be kind to her one day. 

“I know that look.” Alice interrupted her thoughts, “you’re a child. No babies for you yet girly.” 

“I know. I know. Believe me babies are the farthest thing from my mind right now.” Lily began, “I just think about what James would be like as a dad.”

Alice rolled her eyes, “The thought alone makes me shutter.” 

“Oh hush. He’s become very responsible lately.” 

“No one is responsible enough to have a child at eighteen Lily.” 

“Well duh. It’s not like we are going to have a baby anytime now. But obviously we’ve talked about it. He wants loads of kids.”

“Enough to build a quidditch team I expect?” 

“Funny enough that’s what he keeps saying.” Lily laughed, “obviously though that’s not happening.” 

She sighed softly, the laugh quickly dying from her lips as her thoughts began to wander into an unpleasant place. She frowned slightly, catching her bottom lip in between her teeth. A nervous habit she has yet to break. 

“Well that was a quick change of mood. Something on your mind Lovely?” 

“Always,” she said briskly.

Alice knew this look of course. Everyone knew this look, when Lily’s eyes turned downward, and she bit her lip to avoid a deep frown from forming across her face. 

Alice felt her heartbreak a little bit; watching how Lily could go from smiling and happy, to the saddest expression that a human being could possibly muster. While yes, Alice herself was only 25, still a child in her Mother’s eyes. Lily was a child to her, and this poor girl experienced more tragedy than any witch or wizard could possibly fathom. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Alice asked softly, reaching her hand across the table to touch Lily’s hand. 

Lily seemed to snap out of her sudden depressive episode, she pulled her hand out of Alice’s reach and laid it firmly in her own lap. 

“Quidditch.” Lily stated. Alice took this as a firm no and decided (for the benefit of them both) to allow the topic to change over to quidditch. 

_ Everything is fucking fine _ . Lily silently chanted to herself once she departed from Alice.  _ Everything is fine. _

_ I’m fine.  _

_ Just perfectly fine.  _

When Lily turned sixteen, and her best friend uttered the worst slur imaginable to her infront of half the school, she decided that if she kept telling herself she was fine she would ultimately believe it. 

_ I’m fine. _ She repeated to herself as she dug the keys to her flat out of her purse. 

_ I have a wonderful husband and wonderful friends and I am fine.  _ She reminded herself as she sat on the toilet and willed herself not to begin crying. 

Her stomach churned uncomfortably and she took a quick note of the drops of blood on her toilet paper. It was her period, Lily was  _ fine _ . Her sudden mood shift earlier that afternoon was clearly due to PMS. 

Lily Potter was not depressed, surely there were plenty of depressing things happening in her life. Her husband just lost his father, she worried constantly over his grief, and she was exhausted. She was in a war, flat in the middle of a war. People like her are being exterminated from the world, two days ago she led a family of Muggles to refuge in the projects. She was saving people, she should feel  _ fine _ . 

As if almost on autopilot she moved from the bathroom, to her bed and laid down. Face flat into her pillow, pulling the covers up to her shoulders and allowing her ginger curls to drape around her face. 

This was where her husband had found her four hours later. 

“Lil? You sleepin?” 

She groaned in response, James' voice pulling her out of her reverie. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” He mused, sitting down next to her. 

He brushed a lock of hair away from her face, so that she was forced to look at him. 

“Must you look like that?” She moaned, reluctantly popping her eyes open. Only to be accosted by the sight of James, freshly showered, wearing only a towel around his waist. 

“Like what?” 

“Like a fucking God.” 

James laughed loudly at that and bent down to kiss her. She met him greedily, moving her hand to drop his towel, only to remember what brought her to the bed in the first place. 

“Ugh.” She pushed him off of her lightly, and James actually had the nerve to look disappointed. “We can’t. I started my monthly today.” 

“Ah that makes sense.” He groaned, realizing nothing would come from his half naked state. “Shame, it’s our first night off in a while.” 

He moved off the bed to find his clothes, and she sat up quickly, a mischievous grin growing on her face. 

“You have any obligations in the morning?” She asked. 

“None that come to mind.” 

“Get me drunk?” 

He rolled his eyes at that. “Of course love. You feelin okay to go out then?” 

“Blech. No.” She said firmly, grabbing her wand off the nightstand and aiming it at the radio that sat on her desk. 

“Yes. Pity party. My favorite.” 

James pulled his flask from his bottom dresser, and Lily got up from the bed deciding she needed to be free from the frumpy skirt and wool tights she had put on earlier that morning. She grabbed a pair of leggings and her blue jumper, running to the bathroom to change. 

“Oi. I’m your bloody husband. I can see you change you know.” James called through the door. 

“Not like this Potter.” She said, she loved him dearly of course. But she needed to preserve some dignity, she wasn’t about to let him see her in bloody knickers.

He sat on the edge of the bed, absentmindedly shooting streams of colorful lights from his wand, when Lily remerged. She fiercely pulled the flask from his grasp and plopped onto her desk, allowing her legs to swing freely. 

“Ah yes gin.” She threw him the smarmiest smirk she could, “You know how to treat a witch right.”

“As if you would let me keep anything else around.” He grinned back at her.

“Let you?” 

“Twit.” 

“Wanker.” 

He got up from the bed, and moved across the small space to meet her at the desk. Their bedroom had quickly become very cramped, once James learned about her offer to become a teacher in the projects, he bought her a large mahogany wooded desk and smushed in right in between their closet and their dresser. Claiming Lily needed a space for ‘gradin papers and what not.’

“But really Lil,” He began, taking his turn with the flask once again. “We were each other’s firsts. I’ve seen you naked about a million times now.”

“This again?” 

“Yes this again. It’s the same conversation every month. You barely let me look at you.” 

Lily groaned once more, feeling the urge to explain herself, but failing to do so eloquently. “I dunno. Shit’s just embarrassing I guess.”

“Well you certainly have nothing to be embarrassed about. What’s gonna happen when we have kids?” 

“Nope nope nope.” She bounced off the desk and stole the flask from him once again. “No talking about kids tonight.”

Clearly this was a topic that needed to be avoided tonight, he would press Lily about it again in a week, when she was less moody. 

Of course, almost two hours later, after loads of laughing and dancing, Lily had decided she was perfectly drunk enough to want to have this conversation. 

“I am. I dunno. I guess…”

“Yeah?” 

“I dunno it’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it is. But please continue on.”

“I guess… I’m sort of jealous of Alice.” She managed to rush out. “Not that I, in any way shape or form, want to have kids right now. But I dunno, I think about things outside of the war sometimes. Ya know my life was just as shitty before joining the Order. And I dunno, it’s stupid really. I just think that starting a family outside of… all this mess. It would be very nice.”

“I agree. I think it would be very nice.” James said, nuzzling his chin into her shoulder. “It’s definitely not stupid. Or maybe it is, and we can just be stupid together.” 

“No kids though. Not now.” Lily began, “Not with everything going on.”

James closed his eyes, and nodded along in agreement with her. 

“We’ve already lost so much. I couldn’t bear the thought of having a baby and something happening.” She paused, and drew a deep breath. “All I’ve ever wanted was a family James.”

“You have that.” He assured her. 

“I was so broken when you found me.” She spoke impossibly quietly, so quiet he barely heard her speak.

“I know.” He whispered softly, thinking back to the darker days in Lily’s life after her Mother’s death. 

James would not ask for more information, Lily was not keen on sharing the dark details of her life before James. He learned early on in their relationship at Hogwarts, just how much he truly meant to her when she began to open up to him about her home life, that the fact that she was even offering to share such private information was such a rarity.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, the hum of the radio very distant in contrast to their heavy thoughts. 

“I wonder if Moony knows it’s Christmas.” James said quietly. 

“He loves Christmas so much.” 

“That he does.” 

Again, silence. Then Lily spoke up, “He isn’t dead you know. I would feel it.”

“I know.” He said honestly. “I just fucking wish he was here.”

“Me too.” She said, biting her lip once more. “James?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think about your Dad a lot?” She might've been drunk, but this was a conversation that had needed to happen for a while now. 

James, was of course drunk too, and for the first time in over a month he felt the weight on his chest begin to slide off. “Not really. I just get angry mostly when I do.”

“At him?” 

“Myself. The last time we ever saw each other we fought. I dunno, I guess it’s guilt mostly.”

Lily smiled at him sadly, she leaned further into him, encouraging him to talk more. And he did, he spilled every gut wrenching feeling of anger and guilty thought that he had since the night of his father’s death. By the end they were both crying significantly. He told her he didn’t want to be like his Father, he would never fight with his children. She kissed his temple softly, and stood up. 

“I think I could use a snack, and maybe we could have a few more drinks.”

“Yup. I’m gonna need one.” 

Another hour later, Peter came home to find a terrible mess in the kitchen. James and Lily sat on the floor, a dinner plate had been smashed into pieces and it scattered around them. Another plate contained a pile of brownies and a glass of milk sat squarely between them. 

Lily sat on her knees, howling with laughter as Peter took in the sight of them, rolling his eyes and tempting himself to just walk away. 

James had tackled Lily to the ground as Peter turned his back to make his way to his room, and Lily cried out again. 

“Merlin, keep it in your room Prongs!” Peter shouted behind him. 

“Oops.” Lily sighed, sitting back on her bottom and pulling her knees up to her chest. “We should probably go to bed.” 

“Maybe clean this up a bit yeah?” 

“Uhm,” she looked around and guilt immediately flooded her. “Yeah I don’t want to be terrible flatmates.” 

“Erm. Yeah. I think we’ve been toeing the ‘terrible flatmates,’ line for a while.” James admitted. 

“Ugh.” She sighed again, swooping down to sweep up the remains of the broken plate. “At least we aren’t as loud as Sirius and Marlene.” 

“We could be,” he snaked a hand around her waist and lightly set his lips on her neck. 

“Er. No thanks.” She tensed slightly at his touch, remembering why she felt like crap in the first place.

He moved his lips to her ear and whispered shyly, “cuddles then?”

She smiled widely, and was reminded of one of the many reasons she fell in love with James. “That sounds splendid.” 

***

The morning of Christmas Eve came the following day, and found Lily curled in her soft bed sheets. James had snuck out early that morning to accompany Peter on a raid for the Order. And Sirius was tasked with waking up Lily.

He of course did so in the most obnoxious way possible and jumped on her bed loudly whistling the muggle classic “Jingle bells.” 

She threatened to murder him, and got up ten minutes later throwing curses at Sirius while she made her coffee. 

“Wake me up and don’t even make me bloody coffee. Merlins beard.” She muttered to herself, sitting down on the couch and pulling the mug close to her nose to take won’t he intoxicating scent. 

“You remember Christmas last year?” Sirius mused, sitting across from her with a tray of biscuits.

“I’m truly trying to forget.” She said. It had been so long ago, “so much has happened since then. I don’t like thinking about the past.” 

“Me neither.” He agreed. “But you can agree there are some good parts. Like when we became friends.” 

“Well of course, there’s stuff like that.” She smiled, “you’ll always be around to remind me of stuff like that.” She reminded him.  _ And herself. _

“It’s Christmas Bug. Your first Christmas as a married bird.” 

“Oh geez.” Lily said, rolling her eyes. Her mind wandered over to the unlit Christmas tree in the corner of the room, that had yet to be decorated. 

“You have plans today?” She asked sheepishly, knowing full well that Marlene was going to be asleep for the next few hours and she didn’t want to be stuck with decorating for the Order Christmas party by herself. 

“If I tell you yes you’re still gonna find a way to rope me into this madness.” He said, rolling his eyes. 

“Sirius I would never.” Lily laughed, playfully patting her chest.

“Yet somehow you always manage.” He sighed, leaning back. 

“Oh toss. I’m going to get ready for today. I take it you’ll be helping me?” 

“Only if there’s cookies.” 

“Well duh.” She laughed, “you think I would be James' wife if I didn’t come with cookies?” 

Later on, once Lily was properly showered and dressed, she had managed to rope Sirius into carrying massive boxes full of decorations from her car up to their flat. He moaned the entire time, complaining that Lily won’t let him drive said car. 

She had been in the process of teaching James how to drive, and that was stressful enough. “One idiot at a time.” She told him. 

He complained more of course, plopping the last box loudly on the sofa. “But Bug listen.” He began, dramatically raising his voice for emphasis. “If you let me drive your car..” 

She cut him off immediately, “you’d crash it. I’ve seen you on your motorbike Sirius. Safety is not one of your priorities.” 

“Oi, didn’t a muggle copper stop you for speeding the other day?” He grinned at her. 

“Oh bugger off.” She blushed deeply and internally cursed Marlene for letting that slip. 

By noon Marlene was awake and happily joined Lily in the cookie baking process after scolding Sirius for throwing the ornaments at the tree as opposed to hanging them like a normal person. 

By 7pm that evening Lily sat cross legged on Marlene’s bed, head turned down in an ungodly uncomfortable position and Marlene kneeling behind her, pulling forcefully at Lily’s hair. 

“I promise you it will look beautiful when I’m all done.” 

“Marl.” Lily winced, “you’ve been drinking all day. I’ll be lucky if I still have hair left.” 

“Don’t judge.” Marlene quipped. “Peter told us about what he walked in on last night.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, and silently gagged to herself in memory of how much fun she and James had consumed the night before. “We got drunk and ate brownies.” Lily defended. “I didn’t wrestle James to the bed and insist on braiding his hair.” 

“Oh stop complaining.” Marlene laughed holding up a mirror to Lily “I’m done.” 

Sure enough Marlene proved herself to be a miracle worker. She was able to wrangle Lily’s curls into a neat ponytail, with a thin braid tracing along one side. 

“I guess it’ll do.” Lily sighed, toying at the few pieces of stray hair that refused to hold still. 

“And will you be wearing the dress I gave you?” Marlene nodded towards the mess of wrapping paper and open box in the middle of the bed. 

“Yes yes. Of course. I love it.” Lily smiled, throwing her arms around Marlene’s neck and kissing her sloppily on the cheek. 

“Jamie’s gonna absolutely love you in it!” Marlene said, “and it’s going to go beautifully with that ring.” 

Lily eyed her ring and smiled widely, remembering the beautiful, albeit impulsive, night she shared with James and her friends. Her smile slowly melted away though, as the faces of her parents and her sister swam across her mind. 

“ _ Holidays fucking suck when you come from a broken family.”  _ Lily had said to James at Christmas during their sixth year. That was when Lily had admitted to James how much of a problem her Father’s drinking had become. How worried she was that he might kill himself. Less than six months later he proved her right.

“It feels kind of sad doesn’t it?” Lily said suddenly, Marlene plopped down beside her, laying flat on her stomach. 

“Not having people around to spend the holidays with I mean.” 

Marlene nodded sadly in agreement, “The ones we lost won’t want us to stop living our lives.” 

Marlene once had four brothers. Two years ago, after a death eater attack at the Ministry of Magic, Marlene was left with three brothers. 

They all knew loss. It was a silent agreement between all of them. They all knew loss, and they all knew not to dwell on it. 

“Okay that's enough Lily. This is your first Christmas as a married woman.” Marlene stood up, planting her hands firmly on her hips. “No depressed Lily today. Got it? Only smiles.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, and smiled slightly. “Oh Marly,” she whispered, “what would I do without you?” 

“Dress boring and have stringy hair?” Marlene said with a dangerous smirk. 

“Bitch.” Lily laughed, “I was trying to be nice.” 

“You’re always nice Lovely Lily.” Marlene said as excitedly bounced out of the room. “You don’t have to try!” She yelled past her shoulder, leaving Lily alone to change. 

Lily smiled to herself, rubbing her hand against the soft material of the red dress that Marlene had gifted her. It fell right above her knees and had a sweetheart neckline with short silk sleeves. 

She felt like a silly school girl, getting excited over a dress. She thought back to the days before she learned that she was a witch. She remembered the excitement that she and Petunia would share as they picked out matching Christmas dresses to wear at Church on Christmas Eve. But long gone were the days of singing in the church choir, her Mother’s roast dinners, and curling up on the sofa with mugs of cocoa and listening to her father read  _ T’was the Night Before Christmas. _ If she dared, she would dream about the future, in which she and James could begin their own Christmas traditions with their children. She allowed herself to imagine faceless children ripping open presents on the floor around their tree, and James feasting on the large breakfast she displayed across the kitchen of their own home. 

She peeled off her own jumper and leggings, pulled on a pair of silvery tights and slipped into the dress. She thought of her Mother, and anxiously chewed down on her lip, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. Her Mother would have loved the dress, she would have excitedly done up Lily’s hair while gushing over how handsome James will look dressed up. 

Lily finished straightening out her dress, she wiped away a few stray tears that rolled down her cheek, and gave an unsteady smile in the mirror. She really hated the holidays, she allowed stuff to come up that she had buried deep inside. 

She smiled into the mirror again, forcing a fake sense of confidence.

Lily walked out into the living room, tuning out the loud laughter and music. She rolled her eyes at the sight of 30 odd witches and wizards packed tightly into their flat, that James and Sirius had somehow charmed to three times its normal size. There was a table of refreshments along one wall, furniture shoved off into a corner, and a large dance floor placed square in the middle of the room. 

Lily glanced around the room quickly, searching for the only person she fancied in spending the evening with, and instead laid eyes on Sirius Black. He excitedly hopped around Marlene, who was deep in disagreement with Emmeline Vance. 

Sirius shot a look at Lily, silently begging her to break up the brewing fight between Marlene and Emmeline. A grudge that has firmly sat between the two girls since their fourth year at Hogwarts. Lily didn’t particularly like Emmeline either, but she was cordial enough to not be outwardly rude to the girl. And Lily definitely was not in the mood for some childish row, she knew Marlene had a short fuse, and Emmeline could light it up quickly. 

Lily scanned the room for James, spotting him on the sofa, sandwiched between Ted and the Prewett’s. Deep in discussion with Moody and Peter. She met his eyes and gestured over at the spat by the food table, silently telling him where she would be, and walked towards Sirius. 

“Pads! Keeping our guests happy?” Lily said loudly, approaching them and allowing Sirius to wrap his arm around her shoulder. 

“Of course Bug! We certainly are, right Marls?” He smirked down at Marlene, speaking just as loudly as Lily. Successfully shutting up Emmeline and Marlene, turning the girls attention to the loud spectacle that is Sirius Black. 

“Er. Right. Our guests.” She said sheepishly, purposefully avoiding looking around the room. 

“Lily!” Emmeline practically shouted, forcing the attention back in herself. “You look absolutely beautiful dear!” 

Emmeline took a step closer and wrapped herself carefully around Lily, engulfing her in a warm hug. “Who would’ve thought a ginger could pull off red so nicely?” Emmeline tugged slightly on the skirt of the dress. 

“Thanks Em, you look great too.” Lily spoke uncomfortably, turning bright red at the way that Emmeline had grabbed at her. 

“Now Lily dear, settle an argument for us will you?” Emmeline said confidently, causally crossing her arms across her chest. 

“I was just telling Marlene here how it would make much more sense to have the desserts near the drink table.” 

“And I was just telling Emmeline here where she can stick her opinion.” 

Sirius stepped away uncomfortably, and made his way towards James and Peter, as Lily took a stronger stance between the two bickering girls. “Ah well. I think since everything is set up this way we can keep it like this for now. Okay Marls?” Marlene nodded her head, and Lily wanted to scoff at how much of a child Marlene was acting like. 

“And Emmeline, help us set up at the next party yeah? That way things can be done how you like.” Emmeline smiled appreciatively. 

“And girls. This isn’t Hogwarts yeah? We are all adults here. On the same side.” Lily reminded them, pulling out her old ‘head-girl’ authoritative voice. “Let's act like it, yeah?” 

“Ah well yes. Thank you Lily.” Emmeline took a long sip of the drink she had in her hand and glanced around the room. “I think I see Cardoc, I should go say hi.” 

“Yes please.” Marlene chirped. 

“Do you really have the fight with her every time you see her?” Lily rounded in Marlene. 

“Yes.”

“Ugh. Okay. Well can we talk about the way she was flirting with me? What the hell was that?” Lily sighed, pouring herself a cup of punch. 

“She’s probably jealous of me. I’ve snogged you before, she’s never got the chance.” 

“What is this about snogging my wife?” James appeared, laughing to himself and wrapping his arm around her waist. 

“Emmeline Vance wants to have an affair here with our Lily.” Marlene giggled, poking at Lily’s shoulder. 

“Only if I can watch.” He cackled, digging his nose into Lily’s hair. 

“Actually if Lily talks to me in that sexy-authority voice again I might have an affair with your wife.” Marlene grinned as Lily’s cheeks turned to a color that rivaled her hair. 

“Duh why do you think I feel for her?” James laughed, lightly pecking the side of her head. 

“You guys are too much.” Marlene rolled her eyes and sauntered off to the dance floor to meet Sirius. 

Lily leaned into James’ touch a little more, taking in the comfort that he provided to her. She closed her eyes for a second, swaying slightly as she was suddenly overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions she couldn’t quite seem to make out yet. 

“You okay Lil?” He whispered. “You were in Marlene’s room for a long time.” 

“Oh yeah.” She threw him a reassuring look, “just wanted to look my best for tonight.” 

“Oi you look your best every night.” 

She sighed dramatically, she really didn’t deserve this wonderful man. She untangled herself from his arms and moved to grab his hand, “c’mon I wanna dance.” 

***

**_Christmas Eve 1977_ **

_ “Lily?”  _

_ A muffled sob came from underneath the blanket. _

_ “Lil?” James came closer now, his voice soft and sweet. He sat on the edge of her bed. “I’m so sorry.”  _

_ “You know I love you too, you idiot.” She sighed into the bed sheets. It was the same discussion every other week now, but it just came to blows in the Gryffindor Common Room. Leading James to loudly pronounce his love for Lily, for everyone to hear. _

_ Lily took off for their own private quarters, darting towards his bedroom instead of her own.  _

_ James hurriedly followed her, his heart warming at the sight of her in seeking refuge in his bed. Whatever they had, it could still be salvaged.  _

_ “I know you do Lily. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have blown up in front of everyone like that.”  _

_ Lily rolled over on her side, allowing him to properly look at her. “You know I want to be with you James.” She said it so slowly, her voice filled with hurt.  _

_ “I shouldn’t have doubted it.”  _

_ “We talk about this all the time. I’m sick of it. Why can’t you just let me figure things out on my own?”  _

_ “Because you won’t do that Lily!” He spat back forcefully, why couldn’t she just understand? If she wanted to be with him, then she should actually be with him. “We’ve been doing this for almost two years love. We can’t just keep going in a relationship like this and not calling it a relationship! I love you too much for that. I love you too much to not be by your side every second of every day.” He finished in a whisper, laying down next to her now. His fingers lightly dancing along her cheek. _

_ Lily allowed for his words to sit a little longer, before she mustered a reply of her own. “It’s so dangerous James.” She said finally voicing her greatest fears out loud, she would have happily begun openly dating him by the end of last year, had it not been for the blood war that was looming outside the walls of Hogwarts.  _

_ She knew he would be livid if her fears surrounding their relationship had to do with blood status, but he had to understand. “James. You being with me is dangerous.” She spoke more confidently this time, but her voice was still thick with tears, “I love you too much for you to get hurt for me.” She said finally.  _

_ He sighed deeply and nestled himself into the bed, closer to her. He nudged her cheek with his nose, urging her to continue speaking. “I don’t care how selfish this is James.” She spoke impossibly quiet, barely loud enough for her words to hit James. “I can’t lose you too. It’s too dangerous for us to be together right now James. We can’t. I can’t lose you.”  _

_ “I can’t lose you either Lily.” He assured her. “But I can’t be without you by my side. I won’t do it.”  _

_ “You have too.”  _

_ “I don’t care how scared you are. I’m not giving this up Lily. I won’t be able to move on. You think it’s fair to do that to me?” He was begging now, past the point of caring how pathetic he sounded. “Please don’t break us up. I’m so sorry I announced it to the whole common room.”  _

_ “I’m sorry James.” She said quietly, everything in her body was screaming at her to get up and move to her own bed. But there was something magnetic in James, no matter how much she thought she wanted too, she couldn’t leave his side. “I’ve let it go on for too long already.” _

_ “Please. Lily. think about this. We can be together. I don’t care how dangerous it is. I knew the risks when I fell in love with you.”  _

_ She squeezed her eyes tight, willing to listen to his words, grasping onto any hope she had left for this to work between them. Tears trickled down her cheeks and splashed a giant drop on his shoulder, spurning James on further, “Lily Evans. I will do anything for you. I’d follow you anywhere.” He took a deep breath, pulling her even closer to him. “If you don’t want to fight in this war. If you want to leave we can do that Lily. If that’s what’s scaring you.”  _

_ “I just want you safe, James. I have to fight in this war. I can’t leave, you have that option.” She paused briefly, organizing her words in the kindest way she could. “Get out while you can James. Listen.” She turned to him, cradling his face in her hands, allowing her heart to break at the sight of the angry tears that swelled in his eyes. “Listen. I love you. You and I will always make it work. There’s no way I could picture my future without you.”  _

_ He smiled a bit at her words, setting himself up for disappointment once again. “But James. please understand me right now. This war. This is about people like me. I have to fight, but you don’t baby.” She practically whispered, her hands falling onto his shoulders now. He kissed her cheeks, tasting the saltiness of her tears, and enveloping his body deep into the warmth that she offered. “I can’t lose you James. Please.”  _

_ “Lily I’m not leaving you. Not now. Not ever.” He said sternly, “I don’t care what you say. You can’t make me go away. I will stand by you and fight.”  _

_ “But you don’t have to. Don’t you get it?”  _

_ “Don’t you get it? I would fight in this war even if you didn’t exist Lily.” He allowed himself a moment of calm, smiling as he felt her nestle her head deeper into the crook of his neck. “My beliefs will always be my beliefs. I’m not going to stand by and watch while people get slaughtered for being born the way they are.”  _

_ “You're too good for me.” She said finally, her chest ripping open as she said the words that she knew would hurt him the most. _

_ “How can you think so little of yourself?” He said softly, “you are the most amazing girl in the world. I couldn’t imagine settling for anything less.”  _

_ He wanted to scream at her, he knew these insecurities had existed deep inside her. He had worked so hard for the past year and a half to try and rip away these insecurities but they were still there. Buried deep inside along with all of the other tragic parts of her life.  _

_ A girl this wonderful didn’t deserve so much tragedy, and all James wanted in the world was to make her as happy as possible.  _

_ “James please just think about it. We don’t have to make a decision tonight.”  _

_ “Lily I’ve made up my mind. I made up my mind six years ago when I first saw you on the train.”  _

_ “I…” she felt defeated. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore tonight. I’m still mad at you.”  _

_ “I know.” He said shortly. She moved to detach herself from his grasp. “Please don’t go.” He said, grasping her wrist and pulling her closer to him.  _

_ “I’ll stay tonight.” She whispered, rolling away slightly, locking her fingers with his.  _

_ “I love you Lily.” He sighed next to her, neither willing to fall asleep, but neither willing to speak anymore that Christmas Eve.  _

_ After that night Lily spent several more days crying over the frustrations over her semi-relationship with James, and he was by her side every second. Showing her of all the ways she would be happier with him, laughing with her when she cried, fighting with her when she wanted to fight, and holding her when she didn’t want to be alone.  _

_ He edged away at the loneliness she had become accustomed too for so many years, and suddenly when he wasn’t around she felt like she was losing part of herself.  _

_ Each of the Marauders gave her separate pep talks. Sirius reminding her that there is no longer “James” or “Lily.” That at some point they became “James and Lily,” and there was no turning back on that.  _

_ By the end of the week, the night before the Potter’s New Years party. Lily and James finally put a name to their relationship, debuting each other as ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ at Potter Manor. For all of the Wizarding World to see.  _

_ There was talk of course, and looks full of disdain thrown their way. But James and Lily were happily in their own world when they were together.  _

*** 

“Do you remember last year?” James asked, twirling Lily around the floor, and laughing as her dress spun around her. 

“How could I forget?” Lily smirked. 

“Who would’ve thought this is where we’d be today?” 

“Um. You?” She slapped at his shoulder playfully.

“Well you had very little faith in us. I had to have enough confidence for both of us.” 

She smiled at him, her grip on his shoulders loosening a little as he returned a warm smile back at her. “It’s been a good year hasn’t it?” 

“Everything is good when it’s with you.” He teased. She stuck her tongue out at him, and rolled out of his arms. 

“I’m gunna find Marls and make the rounds. Stop saying stupidly cute stuff,” she spoke pointedly, but her voice was etched with laughter. “My heart can’t take it.” 

By the end of the evening, by the time most of the guests began to trickle out of the flat, James and Sirius had restored the flat to its original size, and Lily declared it was time to open Christmas presents. She was sitting on their sofa, James laid next to her, his head resting in her lap. Peter sat contently on an arm chair, sipping at a bottle of butterbeer, while Sirius and Marlene rolled around the floor in laughter. 

Lily eyed the presents under the tree, and sighed out audibly when she was reminded that her flatmates will all be going to their respective families for Christmas the next day. Sirius had been invited along to the McKinnon’s, and Lily teased him endlessly about ‘settling down.’ 

“It’s tradition in my family,” she began to speak to her friends, silently hoping they would happily oblige in her request, “to open all of our Christmas presents on Christmas Eve before church. And then in the morning we’d sleep late and watch Christmas movies all day” 

“Obviously there’s no church.” She laughed out, “but we are all gonna be separated tomorrow so let’s open our gifts tonight?” 

“How cheery of you Bug!” Sirius exclaimed, bouncing over to the Christmas tree and picking up a brightly wrapped box with his name on it. 

James shared a look with Lily, reminding her that they agreed to open their gifts to each other in private. 

“Well this is as good of time as any. Pads and I went in on a present for you two together.” Peter began, he had already ripped open his boxes of sweets and happily stored them in his bedroom. 

Marlene grinned sheepishly as Sirius got up and began pulling a big box from behind the tree. 

“So think of this as a wedding present too.” Sirius said. “And a future house warming gift. For uh. When you two get a place of your own.” He avoided the pointed glare that James shot at him. 

“Sirius Black.” Lily said, sprouting up from her spot on the sofa. “You didn’t.” She beamed, pulling James from the sofa as well and bouncing over to the large box. 

She ripped off the paper, revealing a bright blue box. “It’s a Telly!” She cheered, jumping to wrap her arms around Sirius and Peter. 

“Mate you didn’t have too!” James smiled, slapping his friends on the back. 

“Oh James you’re going to love having this around!” She smiled, wrapping her arm around his waist and stroking her fingers along the cardboard. 

“You think you can set it up for us Lily?” Peter asked. 

“I’ll figure it out, Marls how about you show Sirius how to roll up his gift and we can act like muggles for the rest of the night?” Lily said, going towards the kitchen to find a knife to be able to start cutting the box open. Sirius and Marlene followed her to the kitchen, sitting down at the table.

“Actin like muggles eh?” Peter laughed, moving to help James clear an area in the living room for the Telly. “She’s really something isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” He smiled softly, “She is.” 

*** 

Lily awoke on Christmas morning, wrapped warmly in James arms, but a deep icy feeling wrapping around her insides. 

She had forgotten it was Christmas morning, her mind still in the happiness she felt the night before, willing herself to feel that once more. She laid in bed silently, for what felt like hours while waiting for James to wake up. Staring up at the white ceiling, and dreaming of a place that was much nicer than where she was now. She felt sick with guilt, wishing she had more when James was doing his best to give her everything she has ever wanted. 

James stirred beside her, stretching his legs out while tightening his grasp on her. 

“Merry Christmas,” he grumbled, sinking lower so that his head rested in her chest. 

The feeling of his warm breath against her skin immediately pulled her out of her dissociative state, and the ends of her mouth twitched up in delight. “Merry Christmas James.” 

“You think everyone else is gone by now?” He asked sheepishly. 

“I’m sure. I still can’t believe Padfoot actually agreed to spend Christmas with Marlene and her family.” Lily laughed, “Remember when I did during fifth year? It was a nightmare.”

“Pads likes chaos. He’ll thrive there.” James assured her. Remembering his younger days, when his Mother and Mrs. McKinnon were once best friends. Until his Father began to drive away all of his wife’s friends with his sour attitude and demeaning words. 

They were quiet for a few moments, soaking in each other’s warmth. 

“Hey Lils?” 

“Hmm?” She hummed, toying with his hair. 

“I don’t much feel like celebrating Christmas this year.” He said quietly. 

“Me neither.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Can we stay here all day?” He asked. Lily nodded, remembering his downhearted mood late the previous night. His Mother finally owled back, saying she was happy to spend the holiday by herself and they must not worry about her. 

“I want to give you your present though.” She said, remembering at least one cheerful aspect of the day. 

“Oi, I almost forgot!” He sprung up excitedly, as he ran to the living room to get her gift. 

Lily decided it was best to at least have breakfast and coffee, and then spend the rest of the day in bed. 

She threw on her jumper, and padded her way down the hallway to the living room. 

“I’m going to pop some cinnamon rolls in the oven real quick love. Then we can open gifts.” She said to him, handing him his wand, and waving her own so that the radio could begin playing soft Christmas tunes. 

She poured a bowl of Oliver’s cat food for him, whistling for the animal to come find its food. 

“Lily? Can you start a pot of coffee too?” James called from the living room. 

“Really?” She cracked open a tube of cinnamon rolls against the counter, “you think that is even a question you have to ask me?” 

“Silly me. I forgot your body is seventy percent that stuff.” He quipped back at her. 

“Keep it up Potter and I won’t make any for you.” She said back, smiling to herself as she neatly arranged the cinnamon rolls across the tray and popped them in the oven. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” He was standing in the kitchen now, leaning against the counter in a way that sent shivers down Lily’s spine. 

“Try me.” She said, licking her lips. 

He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and set his chin on her shoulder. “As much as I’d love to get to that, I’m more anxious for you to open your present.” He moved one arm down to squeeze her bum and she laughed in response, moving her hand to grasp at his groin. 

“That’s cheating.” He sighed, backing away and turning towards the living room. “Get the coffee on quick and come here.” 

She rolled her eyes again, quickly finishing her task and made her way to the living room. Where she spotted James happily sitting with a big box prominently displayed on their coffee table. 

“Oh Merlin.” She groaned, imagining all of the ways that James could possibly be spoiling her. “Okay well you’re opening mine first, as I’m sure yours will be beyond spectacular.” 

She rummaged around behind the tree and pulled out a large yellow envelope with a green shiny bow stuck in the middle, and handed it to him. 

“Festive.” He mused. 

Lily sat on the sofa and pulled her knees up to her chest, smiling as she began to explain. “So this gift is kinda for both of us.” She admitted, “but it’s mostly for you so just go with it.” She cut herself off once she realized she was rambling. 

James looked at her curiously and slid his finger underneath the opening of the envelope. The corner of his mouth twitched up in amusement once he pulled out a stack of papers, and two tickets to the Quidditch World Cup sat proudly on top. 

“Lil.” He beamed at her, “this is… this is really something.” 

“There’s more too…” She began to explain, taking the papers out of his hands and shuffling through them. “I don’t know if this is something you lot do in the wizarding world, but for muggles. Usually when we marry off, we go on little trips called ‘honeymoons’ after the wedding.” She pulled out two more thin strips of paper, and James recognized them immediately as tickets. “Obviously we do things a bit untraditionally.” 

“Obviously.” He agreed. 

“So I was thinking we could go on a honeymoon of sorts. The World Cup is in Greece this year so I thought we could spend a couple of days on a beach or something afterwards.” 

He leaned over the stack of papers and kissed her nose gently, she smiled against his chin. Happy that he appreciated her present. 

“There’s more… Those are airplane tickets.” Lily laughed at the incredulous look that grew across his face. “I want you to try out flying the muggle way.”

“Have you flown the muggle way before then?” James asked curiously, setting down the papers on the coffee table and grabbing her hands. 

“My Mum has a sister in Canada, we only ever visited her once. When I was eight.” She chuckled a little, her eyes turning downward at the memory. “I don’t think my Mum and her sister got on very well. Hah, must run in the family.” 

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “don’t think about that. C’mon Lils. Open your present.” He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m the greatest husband in the world. You’ll love me even more than you already do.” 

“Not possible.” She grinned, moving towards the gift and delicately pulling off the paper. 

James moved to the edge of the sofa, anxiously biting down on his lip (a trait he had picked up from her a few years ago). And watched the joy spread across her face as she opened the box and began pulling out its contents. 

The first picture was taken on their wedding night. Their eyes wild with happiness and adoration for each other, and smiles plastered across their faces. It was in an elegant gold frame, with detailed floral engraving across the top. 

The second bundle of pictures she pulled out were in smaller black frames, there was a photo of her and Marlene smiling back at her. There was a photo of the Marauders, arm in arm in the Gryffindor common room, after the last quidditch victory. Another photo of Lily holding Oliver up to her cheek. She roared with laughter at a picture of her and Sirius dancing at the Longbottom’s wedding. Sirius was dipping her dramatically claiming to “test her flexibility out for James.” 

She began crying when she pulled out another big photograph, with a gold frame and an intricate lion design across the top. It was the first day of seventh year, and James and Lily proudly stood hand in hand on the Hogwarts express. Their respective head boy and head girl badges flashing brightly, matching the bright smiles donned on their faces. They had spent weeks at the end of that summer preparing for their upcoming year as head boy and head girl.

Remus had insisted on taking the picture.

“James this is…” she breathed out slowly, tears freely flowing down her face. “James this is amazing.” 

“I thought you’d like to hang them up in our new house.” 

She froze. 

“What?” 

“I mean. I know it’s risky, buying a house without you knowing.” 

“What?”

He sputtered on, his hand flying to run through his hair. “I had a pretty good idea of what you wanted. I remembered you saying something about a terrace house. Old. Creaky. Multiple floors. Big old kitchen.” He stopped himself and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. He dug into the bottom of the box, pulling out a big flat picture of a large stone house staring back at them. It had a large burgundy colored door in the middle, and a wrought iron gate leading up to the entrance of the home.

“James.” Lily whispered. “This is…” 

“There’s a huge backyard, so you can have a garden too.” He smiled, flipping through some more papers and pulling out a few more pictures. 

Lily sat in shock as James began to show her the pictures and attempted to explain some of what he knew would be her favorite parts of the house. “There’s a hedge wall all around the garden so there’s plenty of privacy. Like I know you like.” He grinned down at the look of glee that was building beneath the shock etched across her face. “And a huge master bedroom, that you can decorate however you would like.” 

He bit down on his lip again, silently observing her reaction. “It’s all our Lily. Your forever home.” He said quietly. 

Lily sat the photos down on the table and threw herself at him. Wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a kiss so hard to his lips that they fell back in a comfortable heap against the back of the couch. 

She giggled as she pecked kisses across his face, his eyelids, down his cheek and firmly on his lips. 

“Do you like it?” He laughed softly. 

“Oh James.” She smiled at him, engulfing him in another kiss. 

“This is my favorite Christmas ever.” She whispered to him later that night, “Thank you.” 

***

They were laying on the couch, after a day of eating cakes, watching silly movies, and playing games. A new side of Lily came out as she spoke about how wonderful their new house was going to be. A side of her he hadn’t seen in a very long time, but knew was still there, hidden beneath the weight of those she had lost. 

Lily held a mug of cocoa close to her chest, as she sat up against the back of the sofa and James laid against her. Flipping through a quidditch magazine. 

There was a resounding crack across the room startling Lily so much that she threw her mug of cocoa on the floor, causing the cat to jump up and scratch at James. 

“Bloody hell!” James roared sitting up. “Sirius you can’t apparate with the awful sound anymore.” 

“Well aren’t you two awfully cozy. I don’t know Prongs I should be more disappointed you aren’t in your bedroom.” 

James moved to get up to tackle him, but before he could fully detangle himself from Lily, Sirius shouted excitedly. “It’s Mooney!” 

“What?” 

“His Mother owled. They found them…” He was smiling wider than James ever thought possible, “in Germany. The Auror’s are bringing them to St.Mungo’s right now.” 

“Mooney?” Lily’s voice cracked, tears of joy bursting from her eyes as she stood up, clasping securely into James hand. 

“He’s okay?” James asked, looking for any hint of a joke in Sirius’ face. 

“He’s okay!” Sirius bounced up and down, while Lily ran to their bedroom to grab her bag and their wands. 

*** 

It felt unreal really. They were sitting in a private waiting room in St.Mungos. There was garland hanging around the room, with flashing white lights. And small clay gnomes, charmed to sing melodic Christmas carols. 

Lily looked around at the joy of her friends in the room, she closed her eyes and breathed in with the hum of the music. 

Things were going okay for once. Remus was back. The Marauders were the Marauders again. 

His parents were the first to see him. Sitting for hours in the private hospital room, cradling their son who now bared scares he would carry for the rest of his life.

But Remus was alive. He was lucky enough to see his friends once again. 

It was as if a miracle occurred that Christmas Day in 1978. It lifted the spirits of everyone fighting that war. Their family was whole again. 


End file.
